To keep this long story short, we got together back in 2020 of July. We had a great relationship involving trips, movie nights, family time and other extracurricular activities. She has two kids that are 5 and 3. I got to know them well and our lives came together and I built a love for them like my own. She got my lips tattooed on her neck and my name tattooed HUGE. She emphasized that I was her person and would never let me go. That I was the one. That even in crazy circumstances she would most likely forgive me because of the love she had for me…. Anyways, Our last year being together I let myself go by drinking a lot and eating what was left over on her plate. I started at 190 at the beginning, in shape and active, nd ended about 270 lost, insecure and obese when we broke up last October.
I would do my best to hide that I was faded pretty much all day and I started to become insecure and didn’t want to be seen by nobody and pretty much isolated myself feeling embarrassed about who I became. This obviously effected our relationship and arguments happened a lot over the littlest of things but we still managed and had some good times. Eventually I got better and stopped drinking so damn much and started hitting the gym. Fast forward to summer of 2022 I got a job making 7-10k a month about 2 hours away from home. Happy about this news we decided to try for a baby. She got pregnant and I was on my way to build a family of my own with her and move them out here. Unfortunately she had a miscarriage the day before her birthday on September 24th and it went down hill from there. I didn’t know how to deal so I went back to my old vice. Ended up getting a DUI that night and everything changed. I lost my job and A month later she moved in with her stripper/OF friend and i noticed she started following other men on her personal account that she unfollowed years ago. She only had women on that account and mind you, I never was the guy to tell her to unfollow people. But Noticing this pattern I confronted her about it which led to an argument and 24h of space. Woke up the next morning to a call that she said she didn’t want to be with me. I took it like a man and said ok. Let me get myself right. Several months later I still call her every now and again and she’ll call me but it’s not the same. I see her on social media at bars, clubs, and she changed the way she dresses going out. Barley wearing anything. Very provocative . I think I know what’s going on, she’s talking to other people and mingling as a single person would. But I still want her. I still want her babies to be my family but I respect that she doesn’t want me no more. As the days pass it’s getting easier to manage the pain and progress forward. I’ve lost about 40lbs and am working on my mental health. Becoming sort of what I used to be, confident and in-line with my goals…. We haven’t spoke for a couple months until last night. I broke and I called her. We had a good conversation as friends and toward the end of the conversation she wanted a picture of our ultrasound. I can’t wrap my head around why and it hurts all over again… I miss her, i wish I didn’t it lose myself in the process of our relationship. I regret every oz of alcohol and the unnecessary amount of food I consumed the last year of our relationship. What hurts the most is the love I show isn’t reciprocated.
Do I just drop all contact and let her contact me from now on? Do I ignore her when she is reaching out? Do I just accept the fact that we’re just friends who will fuck every now and again when we get together and let reality be what reality is rather than sulk in my irrational thoughts about our past and just be a good vibe and a good friend/ occasional hook up? Idk. I’m up and down about the Idea of just being a good time when i still find myself wanting more..
So much for keeping this short lol. If you’ve made it this far thanks allowing me to simp…