Btw, “neurodivergent” refers to people who have things like autism, ADHD, and OCD.

40 comments

  2. Recognize that I need processing time when you say something. It’s not that I didn’t hear you, or that I’m not listening. I’m formulating a response in my head and making sure it’s coherent, on topic, and appropriate to the situation. And my brain needs a second to do all of that before I open my mouth to respond. Otherwise I’ll probably respond with, ‘wait, what?’ even if I heard you.

  3. Be less noisy. If in doubt, STFU. Even if not in doubt, STFU. Ughhhh, the world is so loud and my sensitivity to it is getting worse as I get older.

    (Edit: This is for me and my ASD brain. Different people are different, obvs.)

  4. Teach people, women specifically about saying what they mean instead of dancing around a point that might hurt my feelings. I appreciate the intention, but the reality is that it means I end up both baffled and feeling stupid.

  5. I constantly ask people to tell me how they feel or if they’re upset with me because I’d rather work to resolution. I don’t get the subtleties nor do I want to sit in the awkwardness of not knowing there’s a problem or what the problem is.

    People do not do as I’ve asked or believe me when I say this and it’s so frustrating. It wastes time and energy. I WANT you to tell me you’re mad at me so I can fix it. Instead I often am faced with a lot of passive aggressiveness or rude comments and I find it hurtful. Please just tell me what’s wrong so we can move forward.

  7. I wish my long distance friends would text me first more often to ask how I am and be more forgiving when I don’t return this. Even if I very rarely text them first: love them so much and I think about them very often but I’m sooo bad at actually do things (thanks executive dysfunction/ADHD!) I’ve lost friends over the years because they likely thought “she does not text nor call I’m not important to her anymore.” in reality, I just did not manage to text/call them because too many steps…

  8. Accept that not every difference has an easily explained reason. I don’t know why sitting under bright lights all day makes me miserable, or why I can’t focus in a room surrounded by people.

    My boss is neurotypical, and she always seems absolutely shocked whenever someone has slightly different ways of thinking or living in this world. It’s unfortunate because she’s in a leadership position in education and constantly makes decisions that are harmful to our neurodiverse students, and refuses to listen when I tell her that. She forces them to study in learning environments that are bright, noisy, and busy. But she has no problem working there, so she simply doesn’t believe me when I say these students need a different place to study.

    So I guess, if you’re in a leadership position, listen with empathy and accept that not everyone thrives in the same environment. Please don’t force people to justify their needs. Accommodate as you are able, and explain clearly if you are not.

  9. The only thing I’d want is for people to never assume bad intent in my actions. I forget stuff all the time. I’m terrible with names. That doesn’t mean I don’t value you as a person, or I didn’t want to do the thing we had plans for. Otherwise, it feels like my shit to handle.

  10. Give me a couple minutes to get my thoughts together instead of demanding an answer *right this very second.* Two minutes of me finding my words is a lot faster than me totally blanking for 10 because I am now overwhelmed by your pushing me.

    And don’t get hung up on finding meaning in filler phrases I use. Those are my thinking/concentration words and I need them.

  11. To not automatically assume that I’m lying just because I “look” and seemingly behave normal. I’m just really good at hiding.

  12. If you work or go to school with a quiet/mute woman you don’t need to ask her why she isn’t talking or try to “get her out of her shell”, her way of being is perfectly valid and I’m sure she is content and happy as she is. Being pressured to talk feels very unnatural and stressful for some of us no matter how hard we try.

  13. Don’t talk so much, especially if you’re just rambling on and on about nothing to kill time or fill the silence. Also, watch the volume. Not just of your voice, but everything you do. Finally, fluorescent lights and overhead lighting are awful. (Sensory processing sensitivity).

  14. Don’t assume that I’m a mean or cold person because I don’t socialize. I’m kind and friendly, but people make me anxious, and I do everything in my power to limit social interactions. I just want to be left to my own devices, and if I feel like chatting, I’ll make an effort to start a conversation. It’s not you, it’s me.

  15. I work for the government 8:00-4:30 every week day. No matter how early I go to sleep or wake up, I have horrible drowsiness until 10:00-11:00. Being able to adjust my working hours (I don’t deal with the public or really other workers much) would be so helpful to my ADHD.

  16. Ranting constantly. When im with family, a lot of them will talk about the same negative story *multiple times* despite it already being done and over with.

    They’ll tell me, then tell the same story over and over again until it’s out of their system. And trust me, I get that they need to let it out. But it’s too much for me, too much emotional burden, auditory stimulation, and gives me a ton of anxiety for no reason.

  17. Please stop making comments/observations about how you notice I do a b or c thing that I can’t control. I am aware I’m doing it on some level, try very hard to blend in and not do it.

    and it makes things worse for people to make unsolicited comments about it or point it out like I’m an animal in a zoo.

    “You don’t look people in the eye enough”

    “You’re making a face like you aren’t paying attention, do you understand? Are you listening??”

    “Why do you do that with your hands/legs/feet? What’s wrong?”

    “You seem nervous, there’s no need to be nervous”

    “You’re so shy and that’s cute, you can talk to me about your anxiety, I can help you through it”

    I’m doing my best and if I want your advice or comments I’ll ask for it. Otherwise please stop.

  18. I have focus issues so I need to watch TV/movies in silence. A lot of people tend to get upset when I shush them, not respond to their commentary, or straight up refuse to watch TV with them.

    I just need them to accept that I need a certain environment to enjoy my TV/movies and stop pushing me to accommodate their habits.

  19. ADHD 🙋🏻‍♀️ I don’t expect the world to bend around me, but it would be super nice if bars that encourage social interaction (games, communal tables, etc.) stopped playing music so loud. I get it at clubs where the main point is to dance, but if I’m trying to finish a sentence and play a card game, having blasting music feels like an unnecessary endurance test.

  20. I have ADHD and the biggest thing that helps me be productive is flexible working hours and no micro-managing. My productivity comes in waves and I can’t just turn it on 9-5 every day.

    Very thankful I’ve ended up in a job where that’s understood and even embraced.

  21. No mixed signals. Please give me a clear indication of what you want from me and do not assume I read between the lines, understand ever changing social rules or telepathically gauge your needs and wants. It is so tiring catering to everyone’s whims

  23. I struggle a lot with a set schedule, but once I’m working, I am in “the zone” as my coworkers call it. However, having a flexible schedule was the best option for me because sometimes I would get to work and just still be waking up and that productivity didn’t kick in right away.

    Asking my coworkers to not constantly interrupt me when I’m working. I have headphones on, and you can IM me questions. There’s nothing more I dislike than being disrupted when I’m focused.

  25. Honestly, the entire professional system and workforce is very ableist and sexist.

    More flexible work hours and hybrid options so I can change up my work station because it’s hard to work in the same place every day.

    Casual dress codes is a big thing for me. Women’s professional clothing is really uncomfortable for anyone really. I just want to wear shoes that lace up with real socks. Aka, nice sneakers! Why can’t those be considered professional? We are an advanced and modern society. Why can’t we chill tf out and enjoy life a little more

    And being more inclusive and open to what professionalism, success, and intelligence looks like. I’m not good with eye contact, I’m going to be anxious during interviews. Give me an idea of what kinds of questions you’re going to be asking me in the interview so I can prepare thoughtful responses. I can’t do those situational “tell me about a time when”. I’ve spent hours and hours practicing for those and trying to create some scenarios I could reference, only to get asked about a scenario I hadn’t thought of so I struggled so much. It’s especially ridiculous for entry level interviews.

    Offer more written interviews. Too many companies expect so much extra information on the application process and it takes too long to fill out just to not hear anything back. Fuck your cover letters. I feel like it would be easier to just screen candidates based on resume, and then invite them to answer a few more written questions if you’re interested in them.

  27. Softer lights in office settings and buildings would be nice, like lamps at desks versus those awful overhead lights. I have to wear sunglasses and I become upset the longer I’m forced to be in a room with those fluorescent-like lights. Also, don’t think I’m aloof if I’m wearing the sunglasses, it’s just how I cope.

    The world is too noisy for me and I cannot process when everyone’s talking at once. I hate large meetings and get togethers because of this — I wish people would just be more quiet. I can’t talk to anyone in those situations and usually just leave (or don’t go at all).

    Stop forcing team building and group activities. They’re fake and childish and many people on the spectrum despise them.

  28. Sensitivity and understanding around food and food-related events.

    I never know how to deal with requests to list my “allergies or dining restrictions.” It feels like oversharing to explain that I have OCD and ARFID and may experience a mild panic attack or potentially even vomit if something is served to me that I will not eat, or if something I otherwise like is garnished with or touching something that disturbs me. My go-to is to just state that if the event is self-serve I have no concerns but if someone could please reach out to me if we will be served set dishes at the table, I can go into more detail about my restrictions…

    At which time I’ll sheepishly request extra rolls and butter separated from the common ones, and plain rice/pasta/mashed potatoes, depending on what the planned main dish is. All of this just serves to make me look extra crazy, of course, and highlight my issues; I don’t actually eat that unhealthily when I’m in control of the preparation, but the types of dishes served at events are extremely limiting, and my special requests only seem to be successful when I ask for the most basic thing possible.

    At restaurants, work lunches and extended-family events, I get so exhausted about being questioned and having to cheerfully explain to other guests at the table who can’t believe I don’t eat salad that I’m a picky eater, “like a five-year-old, haha! I’ll probably just have fries!” It’s actually not funny or cute. It’s something that plagues me, that I work hard to manage, and in fact it’s hard for me to be there period. Particularly with work, food-related events are a constant source of anxiety, and my frustration is heightened by the fact that I’m supposed to enjoy and appreciate that I am being treated.

    I really wish we’d move toward all work social stuff being optional. And not “optional but you’ll be judged/passed up for other opportunities” kind of optional, but really, truly, “only participate if you actually enjoy this.” Being given the option between a work lunch, or just getting a Starbucks gift card for the value of a lunch would probably make me cry tears of joy.

  29. I have massive social anxiety, so it takes me some time to warm up to people. But once I know you and if we click, we can be best friends. This can be an issue when I meet the partner of a friend. People have taken offence with me for not being friendly with the gf of a male friend when I met her for the first time. It’s not that I have any romantic feelings for the friend (Hell fucking no) or dislike the gf, I am just meeting her for the very first time. I would have been equally awkward if he tried to introduce his grandfather to me.

  30. I wish music didn’t have to be blaring in every store, and people would accept that others are different and not make a big deal out of it, like nagging me to smile or acting like I’m weird for getting excited about something.

  31. Be less noisy, and failing that don’t judge me for putting on my noise cancelling headphones or my loops.

    Also let me flap my hands dammit. it keeps me chill.

  32. Oh, and also?? I need things explained to me sometimes.

    Stop telling me “read the room” and start telling me *what I missed so I don’t make the same mistake again.*

    Stop telling me to shut up, redirect me or at least be polite. Hyperfixation go brrrrrrrr but a gentle reminder gets me back on track.

  33. Honestly… Most of America has shit infrastructure for public transportation due to lobbying from car manufacturers in the past. Anywhere outside of certain big cities, it’s nonexistent, inconvenient (not going to everywhere they need to, bus stops like a mile or more walk from residential areas, etc), or dangerous with rampant drug use and sexual harassment (experienced many times by me so I’m not just assuming this). Plenty of ND people can drive, but plenty of us can’t, including myself and my brother. Shit really, really sucks for those of us who can’t. So I wish they would like, invest in fixing this.

  34. I have ASD and ADHD. Honestly, just being given the benefit of the doubt would improve my life so much. Neurotypical people often make a lot of assumptions about me that are wildly inaccurate and instead of asking me about them will become angry with me and start a ton of drama. I have severe anxiety from people randomly blowing up at me out of nowhere my whole life when I was just innocently minding my own business.

  35. Hmm.. I never really thought about it. I was always too busy adapting to them rather than thinking of what they could’ve done for me.

    Well.. I guess stuff back in school would’ve been nice? Maybe things are better nowadays.. I don’t know. But I definitely struggled when it came to school even though I tried my best to get good grades. It was.. tough. In many ways. Plus being bullied is horrendous but you know they won’t fix that issue anytime soon.

    Otherwise I can’t think of much else. But then again I avoid going out in general now so I don’t get to think about it much.

    (- was officially diagnosed with ADHD and OCD in my teens)

  36. Really the only thing that could have been done is to recognize signs of ADHD in young girls who are performing well in school. I was bullied by my classmates, teachers, and even parents for being weird and different and not being able to keep my desk “neat” (I still don’t know htf we were supposed to do that and also keep every handout they gave us in every class every day BUT OKAY). I’d be a completely different and more secure person if I hadn’t been completely socially outcast for several years.

  37. Don’t get mad if I have to ask you to repeat yourself! My combo of auditory processing disorder/OCD/ADHD means sometimes I can’t make out what you’re saying even if I’m trying hard to listen.

    Also can any NT people explain why the fuck you get SO mad/annoyed when asked to repeat what you said? Especially when it’s clear the other person is listening but just not understanding? I cannot for the life of me understand those “if you don’t hear me the first time too bad” people, like grow up.

  38. Stop telling how I should think/feel because a ‘normal’ person would react x way. My thoughts and feelings are mine and valid. Meet me where I’m at.

  39. I guess as a woman with ADHD and OCD I wish the people, who know all this about me especially, wouldn’t be so harsh when my symptoms show. It’s like they completely forget in the moment when I spiral in an OCD mental wormhole obsessing over things or when my brain details in an ADHD moment that I my brain doesn’t work the same and it makes me feel alone. People will say they “understand” my issues, but when any situation with me happens that’s not necessarily in my control I spend more time feeling like a burden on their mental health all because I have mine that may affect them. I know it’s not easy on other people, I get that completely, it’s just me wishing people would take the time to do their research on what these mental illnesses really are and the toll they take on the people with them. I guess I just want to feel understood more than anything. It’s hard feeling like these mental illnesses to society, especially in the workplace, are almost frowned upon and taken as unstable or unfit to work etc. I am the hardest working person surrounded by an impenetrable frustrating bubble. 🥹

  40. Stop quizzing me on math! Stop talking about the importance of math! I HAVE DYSCALCULIA!

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