know you go to work just to work but it seems like my new coworkers don’t mind speaking to the other 2 men that were hired along with me. I quit my at home job due to my mental health and I wanted to get out and be around people more to also improve my social awkwardness.
My social awkwardness hasn’t left lol..I’m just accepting that it’s who I am but I’m having trouble carrying conversations and one of the women seems to really not like me because of how she talks to me (like I’m dumb and aggressively); she wouldn’t stop nitpicking everything I was doing yesterday to the point where I asked her if everything was okay.
Everyone seems to love the other 2 guys but I’m singled out. I told my therapist I may be on the spectrum but she swears I’m not. I just want to be able to connect to other people but it’s like the women strongly dislike me. What can I do??
Tl;dr: I’m awkward and I’m having a hard time connecting with the other women at work. Everyone seems to love the men that were recently hired along with me; the women seem to dislike me. I don’t know how to connect with everyone.
9 comments
Im waiting for an answer too..
Hi op. This sounds very interesting. Can you think of something that you might have said or done that would have made them aggressive towards you?
I’ve struggled with this too in the past and the advice I would give is that it’s usually a vicious cycle – when you think people don’t like you, the vibes you give off are more negative and make you less likeable. I know it’s hard but changing your perspective to assume that people already like you can go so far in relaxing your attitude and getting your co workers to actually like you. Maybe start small and focus on one person? It can be really hard to get out of that mindset so I do feel your pain.
You said you think you might be on the spectrum. Autistic people are less well liked, generally speaking. It can take some time to break down those walls. I’m an autistic introvert too. People have said similar about me, that I’m a snob, I’m stuck up, they thought I was rude, but it’s a combination of flat affect, lack of eye contact and some uncanny valley stuff. It’s super hard, I know. I’m in my current place over two years and I’m only now starting to get close to people.
What could help us to put a bowl with sweets on your desk. People love to take from it but they always want to be polite and have some small talk before they do. It helps getting to know people and when you do your relationships could change.
Are the coworkers older women? I’ve heard stories of older women being bullies to the younger women in the workplace for male approval. I don’t think this has anything to do with you as a person. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.
I suggest you socialize in a variety of contexts and its likely you will find a group who is open to you. Maybe join some meetup groups or other social activities you can find. Also there is this website called wikihow with many articles about every social skills question you can think of. I suggest looking at the articles about starting conversations. If you start getting positive social experiences that will likely improve your interactions at work.
If you don’t talk much, and you aren’t very expressive, people wonder what you are thinking. They don’t know! People start making up stories based on what information they have. So give them some better information!
Most people will give benefit of the doubt, but they will feel more comfortable with the other newbies who are more open or easier to read.
If they’re like this woman who is talking down to you, her story is “that girl thinks she’s better than me,” because her own insecurities make her read you that way.
I would try talking more about what you think and feel with the other people there.
One way to do this that feels safe is to find one or two of the friendlier people and talk to them about being new, ask their help, or just be more friendly to them. It’s easier to take small steps or do one on ones than group convos.
They could mistake your social awkwardness as being stuck up and try to bring you down to humble you. If you’re attractive, they could be threatened by you even more and thus acting this way. Maybe they secretly want your attention but since you’re reserved they are doing the grapes are sour thing. Otherwise it’s not normal for women to attack other women like this, but it would have been understandable if they just ignored you, assuming you aren’t interested talking to them