So the person I was seeing basically told me he is now emotionally unavailable. At first things were great, we knew we both liked each other and were curious about pursuing things. Of course, I have insecurities that I still need to work through. So a couple days ago I message him about how he seems different, less with it. I’m not gonna say I haven’t sent messages like that before, but I was worried. Throughout the time getting to know each other he would sometimes mention my bad qualities such as being anxious, codependent, indirect, etc. I’m not perfect by any means, I just felt a little overwhelmed with thinking about what I needed to change with myself.
He mentioned to me about his past relationships and how he used to be codependent. He said he saw his younger self in me with my current qualities. I know he has a busy life and I never wanted to make this relation troublesome. But a few days ago after telling him how I don’t know hot to fix these qualities currently, he mentioned how I’m codependent and he’s independent. Obviously people like that don’t mix well, it just really sucks because I saw something with him. He said he still likes hanging out with me and always has fun, but idk if I could ever get to a point where I see him as just a friend since I’ve only ever known him as someone I love.
Also, he is not perfect either. He had a rough start to life likely causing him to have certain qualities that are there for life. It was a little over 3 months with him, not a long time, but I still felt strongly for him. Do you think a friendship is possible because I really don’t know. Any advice will help.
2 comments
Sadly you can’t. I say this because it will be torture for you. Seeing them date other people, hoping it will become more and then when it doesn’t it will be like going through a break up each and every single time. Please, be kind to yourself and don’t do it to yourself. You need distance right now, at least until your heart can heal. Maybe layer down the road when you have perspective and don’t want a relationship anymore with this person friendship may be possible. However, right now it is not healthy for either one of you, and if he cares about you he should know this. Yes it’s possible to be friends with members of the opposite sex, but friendship with a person you’re not over, just keeps the gaping wound fresh and bleeding.
You should probably stop seeing this guy under any pretenses. Listen to your emotions. He can’t be there for you in a way that works for you, so that’s that.