This is a throwaway account for obvious reasons. Im 18 and I’ve had this for as long as I’ve been masturbating pretty much. It’s definitely odd and it took me a very long time to tell another person.
I get off on the idea of people making me piss myself in various ways and then humiliating me for it and possibly making me use diapers as a form of humiliation and control. I can enjoy sex, but It’s pretty much the only way I can orgasm.
I told my partner about this at about a year into our relationship. He’s got a few out there kinks but nothing that feels wrong to me. He’s willing to describe scenarios but I haven’t tried to actually act anything out.
I find that I feel horrible about it. Every time we do anything relating to it, I feel sick after I orgasm for up to a few days. Sometimes I’ll have panic attacks after. I feel so much shame and guilt that it’s hard to want to have sex no matter how much I enjoy it in the moment.
I don’t know how to accept this or help lessen the severity of this reaction. I want to enjoy myself and just be okay with this. I don’t know what to do
2 comments
It sounds to me like you need a solid aftercare routine.
Some perspective might help too. Your humiliation kink isn’t all that weird.
Google “Just Enough To Make You Blush” by Princess Kali PDF . You should be able to find a free copy.
Jesse Bering’s book PERV and Justin Lehmiller’s book “Tell Me What You Want ” are good educational books.
Google aftercare and BDSM or aftercare and KINK to get a better understanding of why it’s so important to help prevent that drop you’re experiencing.
The part about diapers is often termed ABDL (Adult Baby Diaper Lovers). Definitely something to Google.
Your want of control suggests that you could use bathroom privileges in a D/s context as well.
I promise you, you’re not odd. You’re just kinky.
Every time someone comes onto this sub to confess their terrible, shameful kink, I’m curious about what could be so awful, and every time it’s something that’s really not that outrageous (from my perspective).
I’d suggest starting with a focus on accepting that your particular kink is totally harmless. There’s no rational reason to be ashamed of it. Obviously you’ve got some internalized stuff going on, and that’s ok.
Let your partner know that you’d like to work past your shame and anxiety around your kink. Start low key, just describing elements, maybe some light roleplay. Give yourself time to decompress afterwards, and talk about how it made you feel.
From there, just take little steps to build up to playing out your kink.