I need advice on how to overcome severe anxiety when recieving oral sex.
I really like the idea of oral and the pleasure associated with it for many people, but every single time I have ever had the opportunity to recieve it I clam up and it feels so awkward and vulnerable to have someone so close to my genitals. I am fully aware that it is all in my head, however this means that when it does happen I can’t enjoy it because I feel so exposed and I’m constantly thinking about the other person being ‘subjected’ to my vagina. All I can think about is my appearance down there and my smell and how the other person doesn’t actually want to do it – even though I have never asked for it – they have always been the one to instigate the act.
It has gotten to a point where I completely avoid it even when my boyfriend asks to let him. If I ever do allow him to do it, I make sure it lasts as short possible because I don’t like the heads pace I put myself into every time it does happen. I do like the sensation and want to able to let go and fully enjoy it just like he does when I give him oral. (For context, I do enjoy pleasuring my partners through oral and will often instigate it myself)
In general I don’t like the idea of someone having a full view of my ‘downstairs area’ because of my own insecurities – even though everything is perfectly normal down there. I have on multiple occasions explained to my boyfriend that I find it ‘too awkward’ to follow through with it. It was brought up again earlier today and I got very panicked about it because I desperately want to be able to enjoy it as I know that this is a problem that is all in my head and that I’m very sure that it is something that I would enjoy, if all of the anxiety surrounding it was removed.
My boyfriend wants to help me work through this to help me feel more comfortable in my body during all sexual activity but I’m not sure how to start. I know that he doesn’t care about what I look like down there, and I’m very hygienic so theoretically it shouldn’t be a problem, but it is.
I also find it extremely difficult to voice any feedback or instruction during sex – I think this stems from a fear of sounding selfish and also a predominant focus on male pleasure in the media
Any real life advice for people dealing with similar situations? Any sort of tips or tricks to help me get out of my head during would be greatly appreciated from anyone, thanks 🙂
2 comments
We do enjoy it. But maybe start with a bit of exposure therapy. Have your boyfriend sit between your legs and enjoy the view. Tell you nice things. Move on to him touching you and getting you aroused
I have the same problem though maybe not as severe or maybe so because I never let it get further. My current plan to try though is just do it in the dark when I’m not really on display cause they can’t see me. Haven’t tried yet but thought I’d share my idea.