I don’t even know how to write this. I have lost many friends over time but this is just breaking my heart into a million pieces. We both met in high school and ever since then we were inseparable. We used to talk for hours, shared each and everything and she almost made me feel like she was a sibling of mine. Even after she moved to a different country for pursuing further studies, I was always there for her, listening to her stories of culture shock, supporting her through many pangs of loneliness and what not.
I used to ensure that she felt better after talking to me, even if that meant compromising on my sleep. But she changed. She has found new friends and as soon as things got better for her, she stopped talking to me. Whenever I call/text her, she responds after days or doesn’t respond at all. When she does, she makes an excuse to talk at some other time. She tells me that she’s busy every time but I can see very clearly now that she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. I just feel so angry and like a fool at the same time. I wanted to type and sent out a long and angry text to her but I stopped myself. I just don’t feel like investing my time and energy into friendships anymore.
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>I just don’t feel like investing my time and energy into friendships anymore.
Your story is actually a great reason why you should never stop investing in friendships.
Friends come and go.
On average, someone’s social circle will be completely replaced every 7 years.
If you put all your energy into one person, when that person fades away they’ll leave a huge void.
But if you have a bunch of friends, you’ve got plenty of other people to rely on if one fades.
Should probably also not put in waaay more effort than what the other person is putting in.
Friendships should be roughly equal. Don’t let yourself be used.
That sucks, and you have every right to feel hurt and disappointed that someone you consider a close friend doesn’t seem interested in maintaining that relationship. However, an unfortunate truth about human relationships that I have had to come to terms with is that people change, and that the quality of relationships must necessarily change as people’s identities and circumstances change. I’m in college, and I no longer talk to some of my best friends from high school because I did not like the kinds of people they became.
I do not want to make excuses for your friend, but I personally am very bad at communicating with people who aren’t in close physical proximity to me. I may go weeks or even months without texting or calling close friends who live in other parts of the country, but whenever I go to visit, we pick up our friendship right where we left off. Furthermore, your friend is studying abroad, which is a once-in-a-lifetime experience and is incredibly different from anything they have experienced before. Even though they may have been lonely at first, it may be that they have gotten “settled in” to their life there and truly have very little free time for things outside their studies and immediate experiences. When I was abroad, I talked very little to people back home because I wanted to focus on my immediate life/surroundings. This only gets worse with school, as it eats so much time and mental energy.
Now, in terms of what you can actually do, I definitely agree that it is not worth it to try to maintain a relationship that is not reciprocal. However, it may not be worth sending an angry message if you hope to continue being friends with this person at some point. Instead, I would send a message communicating that you are “moving on,” but leave the door open for the relationship to pick back up. Something like:
“Hey [friend]. I know that you are very busy with your life abroad right now, but it has hurt my feelings that you don’t seem super interested in continuing to talk to me, especially after I spent so much time being there for you while you were settling in. I’m going to try to focus on my own life right now, but please let me know if you are back in [home] or if you ever want to FaceTime or something. I would love to talk to you when you have more free time!”
This way, you put the “relationship ball” if your friend’s court. If they are actually just really busy and still want to talk to you, it is now on them to make it happen. If not, at least you know and can move on with your life.
I’m very sorry for your loss. It sounds painful. There will be more and better friends for you who are easier to relate to and more aligned with who you are and your interests. Solitude is wonderful! When you are ready again, I hope you continue being open to building friendships.
Lol I understand you but if you want to have perseverance just keep talking to them, eventually they will come to a conclusion.
I went through a friendship breakup like this a little over a year ago. Having given my time and energy out of love for it to not be reciprocated, and then also discarded when they started spending time with other friends. Like their new friends filled the void they used me for when I was all they had. They benefitted from the emotional availability and my ability to listen and entertain them when they had no one else. But once they had others their value of me dropped. It was a huge lesson for me and knowing the difference between when people value you VS what you do for them. I’d bet looking back, you could see the signs of this and had moment where you didn’t feel properly valued throughout the friendship. While it was so painful, I really understood people and how they work a lot better and I feel like I navigate my current connections with this lesson. I hope this serves your growth in a similar way because, from someone a little further down than you in this situation, the lessons mean more than the friendship did when I realized how one sided it was, and it doesn’t feel as much of a loss as it did at first. I’ve found some peace when in the moment I questioned how I ever would, I was soooo messed up. In the end I felt like walking away in my situation was the right decision and I’m glad I did. I remember how hard it was tho, and I’ve also lost a lot of friends before this even happened. Stay strong Gold Poet!! I’m DM’s are open if you need to vent to a stranger
I have been through this before. I asked them why they don’t bother talking to me anymore. They didn’t realize they were not paying enough attention along with not wanting to make their problems mine as well. After that conversation we went back to being super close.
You could try having the conversation and see if it heals the relationship. You already know what the worst case scenario is if it doesn’t heal.
I recently went through the same thing. I was depressed to the MAX! She got a boyfriend and just dumped me as a friend. Wasnt the first time she’s done it but I for whatever reason I thought it would be different since we no longer were in high school and adults. Boy was I wrong. swear to you it a friendship breakup is so much more painful than a relationship break up.
The demise of our friendship was the catalyst for me having to go back to therapy. Another friend of mine put it into perspective. “ some people grow apart and that’s okay. It’s not that they weren’t your friend it’s just you’ve simply grown apart.” That person will come back, they always come back. But when they do, don’t be a doormat to their needs. If they invite you out don’t jump on the opportunity. They need to work on earning a spot in your life. Dont inconvenience yourself for their friendship
Hi…. everybody… I know this guirl a d I lnow the guy I, she is saying about the guy its thinkinkg for 7 years thats shut… because I know the guy wnats ro be go With her.. but she scare, I think you have to go infront the problem, because the Men is going to stay with her because he love but she doesnt want… what is the ressons I dont know but whwn some body is stay behind you helping with the problem you have to see the sforce he is dong it he understand her, bit what is the guirl want… you are the principal with your desition and no body more you can take a examples but if you don’t want, you have to make shure and telling what do you want for get progreess… I think the People have to know about the reassons you have for dont see him…. its your choice what do you want for your future and your life…
And this guy don’t move yet, because he is waiting for her desition….
Thanks every body
Y’all’s relationship changed. Its natural and happens just like any relationship. Sometimes they run their course. Why are you so attached? Just move on but don’t hold any resentment.
I think this happened a lot to me as a child/teenager so now as an adult it doesn’t affect me at all.
Just don’t hold resentment… let it go.
That’s the thing with relationships of any kind, most of them are unreliable in my eyes. The ones that are bound by blood or something a lot more tend to be the more reliable ones. All depends on circumstance bro.
Be a master of acquiring and maintaining friendships but if you truly have no feeling of wanting to invest in friendships then I suppose take time to recover. It can be exhausting seeing the last few lights of the friendship candle extinguish as you had so time invested in the relationship.
Omg the same has literally happened to me😭 What hurts the most is realizing that she wont do anything to continue with the relationship, she just found new people and that’s it, all what we had doesnt matter anymore. And that showd me the type of person she is, she was actually very toxic. I could never imagine my life without her but here I am. And trust me that sadness will only last some days if you continue with your life and meeting other people. The first days I went out with other friends and the whole time I was thinking that I missed her and that I had more fun with her, which is obvious because we were best friends, but I didnt stop hangging out wit other people and I found another friend who I have a lot of fun with and now i am kind of bored sometimes but it is not that bad, it is all part of the process.
Why don’t you just text her and ask her what she thinks about how you feel? Maybe she feels you aren’t the same and is holding back or maybe she is scared of something. You never know unless you ask with an open mind. The worst thing that can happen is that you stop contact but that is happening now anyway. At least questions have been answered.
This is a similar experience with my middle school best friend except I was your friend. She got married shortly out of high school and he joined the military and the two of them were on the total opposite side of the country. I will admit, her boyfriend and I had similar personalities that did not mesh well and there were some things that he did that I did not approve of, but I never intervened. I continued working part-time while in college and had a relationship of my own. She became upset if I was not able to immediately respond and that I could not come visit often. I just could not keep up with the LD friendship. I was aware that she had always been more introverted than I was and was struggling to make friends at her new job so aside from her husband she mainly spoke to me.
One day, she blew up on me and expressed that she was the one making all of the efforts. I admitted that she was and that I really was not in a point in my life that I could give her the attention that she wanted. Her and her husband were stable and could meet basic needs with her working part-time and a supportive family. My fiancé and I were struggling financially while he encouraged me to graduate (and were actually living with my now best friend) and she used my financial situation and relationship against me and I admitted to having some resentment, but it is not what made me distant. I ended the friendship there.
It was a shitty situation. We still have each other on social media, but I do not know if I would reach back out.
Other commenters are right, sometimes you just drift apart while living your daily life.
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Find new friends, go out, find a hobby, you’ll eventually gain friends. I’d advise you to have male friends because they will actually care for you. Just make sure you know there deep intentions with you before proceeding because men usually stay friends to smash but yeah. Just go out and socialise, you may not need friends but have at least acquaintances you can talk to every now and then.
I know this hurts. But there’s nothing wrong with what’s happening. People grow and evolve. It doesn’t mean she hates you. She’s just found other interests in life and people who share those with her.
People get busy
Find something that will make you busy
Why can’t you make friends in ur own city