I(22F) graduated high school in 2019, and at the time I only had 2 friends, I will refer to them as L and H. We slowly started to drift apart after I had switched college programs (I had been in the same one as L, which made it easier to stay close to her, however this wasn’t the intention it just kinda happened). We still hung out together all 3 of us, on a weekly basis, until we just started to drift apart due to work, school, relationships, etc.
Fast forward to 2023 and now we barely see each other, The last time I saw them was several months ago. H has found a great job and new friends and seems to be having a great life, I barely hear anything from L however she is still finishing school so I kind of expected that since her program is very hard. From what have heard, L has also found new friends and is very happy. I am very happy for them, but I am also very jealous and lonely. I feel like they have moved on and left me behind, and now I feel all alone.
It’s not like I haven’t tried to make new friends, but Covid really fucked with my ability to meet new people and socialize. All of my jobs since college graduation have been very independent, without a ton of room to make friends. Most people worked from home or we just didn’t get along well enough to become friends. Even now that I work in an office, I am the only one who comes in, everyone else works from home all the time. So I am stuck in a loop where I come to work and have nobody to talk to, then go home and talk to my cats and partner. This lack of socialization has given me extremely bad social anxiety, I can bearly even interact with people. I just freeze up and can’t think straight, and my anxiety constantly tells me that I’ve done something wrong socially or that people don’t like me.
I have been told to go to social events, but that is so hard to do by myself, and it is so hard to just approach strangers and hope for a connection. I have tried Bumble BFF, but nothing has lasted past 2 hangouts.
I’m tired of feeling lonely…
How do I make friends in my 20’s?
How can I become more approachable?
How do I become more interesting so people want to hang out with me?
3 comments
“This lack of socialization has given me extremely bad social anxiety,”
It’s a vicious cycle aint it Miss Cheese? The longer you have without interaction the more anxiety and the more anxiety the less you are able to interact so that only prolongs your anxiety.
I suppose the way out of it would just to keep hammering on trying to socialise. I’ll focus on consistent interactions. Maybe be friends with your local butcher or people gaming , gaming is very good at making friends due to the sort of forced interaction you have to have. Keep trying sis you can do it.
I actually think it’s difficult to just ‘go to social events’ and hope to make friends that way. What you really need is a place to meet people that has a certain amount of CONSISTENCY to it. That way you see them regularly, can strike up regular conversations, exchange some info about yourselves and develop a rapport over a period of weeks/months.
So this would be places like: an exercise class, a professional club, volunteer work (with younger participants), a hobby/interest group, adult recreational sports, adult ed classes, a political action group etc. Even local community theater often needs volunteers who work behind the scenes.
So I’d pick something and start going.
Fart constantly and let the smell permeate your surroundings/settle in and then smile creepily at everyone