Hey guys (27M), I moved to a tiny city for work a couple of years ago. I’m not from here, not from this continent, completely different race and not from anywhere around this place by a country mile. I have previously lived in 3 different countries (and continents) and have always enjoyed a positive dating experience.
Currently I struggle to get any dates with locals. I haven’t even been on one. I am a regular at the local pubs, in multiple societies and clubs, you know, the regular ways to find potential partners. I have friends who are locals, I often meet them weekly, go out with them (and these are people in my comfort zone and people who are like family so I wouldn’t even think of them as potential dates) but when they introduce me to their other local friends or when I network around, I just can’t seem to find anybody who I would be interested in, and who would be interested in me. If I run into people at pubs and have conversations with them, I usually sense disinterest from them (I keep getting invited to more events, and keep making great friends so it’s clearly not a case of xenophobia or anything equally bad).
Now I understand my approach might be lacking but I travel often, and I do the same things when I travel, and used to do the same things when I lived in bigger cities (Sydney, London, Paris). It just worked in those places, and it works when I travel. Infact, because this is a tourist place, all the dates I get are tourists from dating apps. I’ve had wonderful dates with them, even second dates with a couple of people when they were here for a weekend. I often match with people 40 kilometres away and enjoy great conversations or dates with them too. My sex life is also satisfactory for me, but I still haven’t even had one local dating app match. I do like that I am still able to meet people and go on dates with tourists, but I feel burnt out with attachments that I know won’t be feasible for longer than a week. I’ve been trying to get something more concrete and stable but I just can’t pull a local to save my life.
I can’t talk to this about my closest guy friends because they don’t take it seriously saying “lol who complains when they’re getting sex” or my lady friends because I don’t want any of them to feel like I have ulterior motives with them when I do not.
How do I reset myself into a way where I can change my approach and get dates from the people that live here? How do I sit down and identify what’s going wrong? It does get pretty isolating to live alone here sometimes and I see it effect my everyday life and well being.
Thanks a lot!
TLDR – can’t get dates in a small city, despite being socially active and well integrated into the society.
1 comment
Get out of the small tourist town.