Basically I asked if we could have sex. He was hard and said yes. We did some foreplay and he started. He stopped to wipe me off because I had the like discharge that I guess turns him off idk? He came back and instantly lost it. Well I asked if he could continue foreplay with me but he said he’s now that he lost it he can’t continue. Well He started to kiss me and I said if you want you can use my vibrator on me. To which he stood up got clothed and stormed out the room. Is that bad that I asked?
42 comments
mhm. I don’t think it’s bad that you asked but sounds like he is still someone who thinks a toy means that he can’t do his job when it’s not. i feel like once he understand that a toy is his friend and not the enemy then he’ll be okay. just sit him down and talk to him about it. goodluck 🙂
Not at all. His reaction is childlike and selfish.
Throw man in trash. Get new man.
I don’t think you did anything wrong. Humans are messy. The best sex is very messy. On top of that, none of us are born knowing how to express our feelings, or communicate at all really. I think that’s where things went off the rails a little bit. You were still horney when he wasn’t. That happens all of the time. But, I don’t think it’s fair to blame either of you for not communicating well.
You can just chalk it up to experience and let it go, but I think the best thing that you can do is talk about it because it’s going to happen again at some time in the future – possibly to him (I am on meds that sometimes make me a little incontinent). You might ask how you could have handled it better and let him know that he could have handled it better by just saying “Sorry, babe I’m not in the mood”.
It sounds like he is completely uninterested in, and even actively turned off by, your arousal and pleasure. Personally this is not something I could tolerate in a partner.
Dump him. Or spend the rest of your life with someone like this. It doesn’t sound like something he can just learn from and understand if he doesn’t care about your pleasure
If you can’t communicate around sex, the relationship is in crisis.
I’m sorry but this man is acting like a 16 year old.
Ew throw this man away.
He’s having insecurities about his penis performance and it’s shaking his confidence….so, you bringing up the vibrator in that particular moment was probably poor timing.
Well it warrants a serious conversation. Does he know enough about anatomy to recognize what just happened? Does he really know or is he just pretty sure what he thinks is right about vaginas…is right. Most people learn from the internet or their friends..these can be problematic resources.
1. Talk to him and assess what he thinks happened. Why he was upset. And how his response made you feel.
2. Understand that if he is ill informed (like many) that he is fallable just like you and everyone else.
Reddit loves the idea of tossing every partner into the street when they don’t know something. An eye for an eye fellow humans. We learn by making mistakes and fixing them. Half of the women I know are absolutely lost as to how their own genitals and reproductive organs work and what normal is. So let’s all try and make sure we are on the same page..learn..forgive..and move forward.
You’re married. Has this happened before? Has he had any ED issues? It almost sounds like he didn’t really want to have sex but decided to participate, changed his mind and pitched a fit to get out of having sex. Whenever he shows back up, hopefully he will explain his behavior.
desensitize him with r/grool
Behavior fail on his end.
Jesus these comments are wild and would be so different if the roles were reversed.
If he told you he lost the mood, that’s it, it’s done. You asked him again after he said no, so yes he has the right to be mad.
Okay, well first of all these comments suggesting you leave your husband over a bad experience in the bedroom are absolutely ridiculous. Nowhere in this post does it suggest you have long term marital problems.
Anyways, no it’s not bad that you asked that. I would say he’s stressed out for some reason and communication was lacking on his end in this moment. He’s probably sexually frustrated and felt he couldn’t provide for you in the moment. Regardless the entire display of frustration was poorly executed and he didn’t use his words. I think this anger is misplaced and likely has nothing to do with your discharge or the fact you asked him to use a sex toy. Try talking to him outside of the bedroom. Men are just as complicated (if not more complicated) than women.
Good luck.
Poor/ non-existent communication. Something he”s not sayin
I love using the vibrator on my lady, that sounds weird. You should definitely talk that out after a few days.
I don’t get it. Most guys would give their left you know what to hear their wives or girlfriends offer up like this. Discharge and all. I’m going to need some understanding here…
It’s not bad that you asked. But “if *you* want *you* could ____” is not appropriate in that circumstance. That’s putting the onus on him. Just say, “Will you use my vibrator on me? I would really enjoy that.”
Wipe you off? Discharge? He doesn’t want you to be turned on and wet when you have sex with him? Is it possible that you’re both really really young? Like only 19? Please say yes.
Kinda the opposite opinion in here but if he wants you to be clean (even unreasonably) thats not really something he can control and we didnt really get a lot of info as to what made him become uninterested anyway. Also he didn’t want to do it anymore and you kept asking him to do stuff even though it was pretty clear he was uninterested. A bit over the top reaction sure but it sounds more like a communication issue from both parties than something to put squarely on him.
I feel like there’s a lot of context and backstory missing to this
OK you both need to sit down have a chat and see what happend .
Sounds like he’s either disgusted by you or your hygiene/bodily fluids. Some ppl are very sensitive to smells particularly if it’s a malodor. Just have a serious convo with him & straight up ask him what’s up. If he’s adamant it’s “not you”, then there’s a probability he’s cheating. If you know for a fact he’s faithful, then he’s no longer invested in the relationship & that’s still a cause for concern. Either way there’s def an underlying problem. Don’t give up trying to get answers tho.
Everyone seems to be ignoring the fact that foreplay started, she got wet and he wiped it off? Wtf is that? That’s what’s supposed to happen
Not at all. My guess is there is something else, stress causing his actions.
Does he do these type of things often
What a fool
Where do y’all find these men and why do you all marry them?
That’s super weird for him to have that reaction, and if he’s not willing to discuss you both need to move on
If my girl asks me to use her vibrator on her I love that, idk why your husband is weird about it. Seeing her happy makes me happy that’s all that matters. It sounds like his love is too conditional. The best thing you can do is talk about it and he honest
People here acting like bodily functions can never possibly be a turn off is wild… especially from a 1 sided story with little (and likely missing context) is wilder.
Way too much to unpack. Try for therapy or multiple long conversations about both of your insecurities, wants and needs
Your husband gets turned off by your ” discharge” as in you being aroused and or cumming turns him off ? If this is what your saying then this is very strange imo.
I know everyones different but me and my partner both get super turned on by 4 play and seeing the other persons eyes roll back.
Im sorry your dealing with this 🙁
So he’s turned off by someone being wet?
Are you certain he was wiping your discharge off & not his come? You said he started. Maybe he was embarrassed by his lack of stamina
Seems like something else is a factor. His reaction is a symptom. You need to talk to him very openly. Guys have a hard time expressing themselves fully. He might not be mad about the vibrator at all. Something else
Ummm you married this guy?? Please tell me he wasnt always like this because its such a red flag!!!
You should ask if he needs to use your vibrator on himself
You watch bad sisters? Sounds like you’re married to JP.
OP forgot to mention something crucial to the story and just wanted to get brownie points for verification and acceptance.
Not to mention this is very immature.
With my ex, when she would have discharge it’d make me EXTREMELY itchy down there. I feel like this post lacks a lot of context, there has to be a history here that you’re not getting into. If you think this is a one-off incident, congratulations, you have communication problems with your partner. I’d recommend couples therapy.