I have an inkling that my boyfriend (33m) fell out of love with me (33f).

Let me start by giving the backstory. We both came to usa to study and it is in the university where we met. We started dating not long after meeting and its going to be 10 years this coming May that we are together. After graduation he stayed there for work and was waiting for work visa which he got three years later. I on the other hand had to return to my home country because I did not get my work visa. So we have been doing long distance since 2018.

A little more on his side. He did his post graduation and applied for work visa which he got three years later which is two years ago. If he visits his home country he must go through an interview and get his passport stamped by the us embassy otherwise he cannot enter usa again. The us embassy put restrictions and had long queues due to the pandemic. Therefore he had a difficult time getting a slot for the appointment and waited a year. He says he is planning to come this year. The reason why I am mentioning him coming to his home country is because it is only when he comes home, we can get married. Meanwhile, he has been making radical changes to himself. He got fit, started investing, eating right, reading a lot of books, networking and so on.

A little more on my side. 2017 and 2018 were the worst years for me as i went through depression. He was supportive and never left during this time. Coming back home in 2018 was the best and a blessing in disguise. I got better and suddenly got hit with a series of health issues. I had to take a break from working as I was almost bedridden and had to practice sitting. I was experiencing brain fog, extreme fatigue and was just not thinking straight and was in a slump. I went to three doctors and none of them could give me a definitive answer to this day to what I was experiencing. But i have gotten better when i started changing my diet. Getting better took a lot of time, almost 3 years. So that’s 2021. I joined a gym less than a year ago and finally feel I am back to normal. While this is going on i have been freelancing. I applied to us universities for further studies and got rejected. I tried for jobs and my career gap always came in the way. So ended up doing freelancing full time and now i have a good set of clients and income.

Where does the problem start? We have been having fights since we hooked up. Its only when we separated we were realizing some fights were happening again and again and we had to tackle our fears and traumas in order to get past them. It was then he started making radical changes in his life like I mentioned above. He did not like that I was in a slump and was not earning much. Which he communicated to me several times. I think his concerns were fair. If roles were reversed, would I have gone ahead and married a man who is in a slump and no job? Probably not. So i see where he is coming from and I started working on myself with more intensity. He pushes me to do what I want to do and sometimes even helps. Now, we are working on our own fears and traumas, talking about it, healing and growing. Looks like a healthy relationship so far.

I have been observing since probably last 10 months, he sorta grew more narcissistic. Every time I am on the phone with him he keeps giving advice. Like i cannot have normal conversation about how was the day without being lectured. If go to him with a problem, he is so rude and states things so rudely and does not even apologize. I mentioned to him several times, that he makes my cry every time we are on a phone call by being rude. He could have communicated the same thing just by saying it differently, why add more to it and call me weak? I have told him it gets to my head and takes me and entire day to tell myself im okay and come out of negative thoughts. The response to that was again i am weak. Last week, I met a cousin brother of mine whom I met after more than a decade. I was mentioning how much of confidence boost it was as i felt I have someone on my side too and I am not lonely. He was quick to dismiss that by saying its not because of your brother its because you met a younger person, you are always with old people. Which I agreed, may be could be and asked him to stop there as I wanted to savor this moment and not have a conversation about fears again. He again went on to say I am weak and should be able to handle such conversations. I just feel its not about me being weak anymore. My requests of proper communication are going unheard.

Why am I getting an inkling he fell out of love? He didn’t apologize for all the times he made me cry even when i said he is making me for about 10 months now. Never said its his fault from some of the things he clearly did. Keeps saying i am weak. I keep getting a feeling I will never be enough for him. On side a note never introduced me to his friends even though his friends want to talk with me on phone. He has still not made plans to visit home so we can get married. ( I asked him several times, if i am one the holding him back and if there is more he wants from me before he commits; he said no)

Since he has been making changes from his side, i am sure he dealing with overcoming fears and setting boundaries, aftermath etc. I am not sure how to read this behavior. I fear talking to him anymore. I don’t want to cry. It takes a negative toll on me. I don’t want to use those words but he is sort of gaslighting and becoming narcissistic whilst showing love.I feel unheard and my boundaries are being violated. Need Advice.

TLDR: Over the years my boyfriend went to being sweet and nice to extremely rude and I feel unheard in this relationship.