I was dating my soulmate for 3 years until he moved across the world to pursue his schooling for 4 years. We broke up because long distance didn’t work for us. I broke up with him because he wasn’t treating me good (I wasn’t a priority). He kinda tried to lead me on/keep me on the hook for 1 year after our breakup by saying that it would be us at the end of this and we would get married once he moves back blah blah. I don’t think he meant it in a malicious way, but I just found that to be a little toxic and unfair to me so I completely cut him out of my life. If I didn’t cut him out I know that I would have never been able to move on. He tried coming back into my life while he was in his last year of school. I still rejected the whole situation since it would still be a long distant relationship- which did not work for us at all.
I should mention our relationship was great when it it wasn’t long distance but when it was long distance I could tell he was not putting his all into the relationship simply because he probably didn’t think it would last as long distance and also he was entering a new chapter of his life across the world, so he didn’t want anyone to hold him back from doing things. Time difference was about 14 hours.
Now here I am trying to find my soulmate on the apps and I am having zero luck (it’s been 1 year)… I can’t help but feel I let a good thing go…. I could have grinded out the 1 year of LDR and then we could have been happily together now 🙁 instead of me struggling to find someone now and really feeling the pressure of being single at 30 years old.
Has anyone ever gone through something like this? Any advice for me?
TL;DR I was dating my ex boyfriend who was amazing, but then he moved away for school so we broke up because long distance did not work for us. He tried coming back into my life in his last year of school to have a long distance relationship, but i rejected the idea of it because long distance did not work at all for us and it was making me resent him for not putting in an effort into our relationship. Now I regret rejecting that idea because i literally cannot find another man.
9 comments
Have you tried reaching out to him again.
And remember the aps are designed to keep you using them and specifically to not find a soul mate.
Sounds like you blew it. Also, it doesn’t sound like he was not actually putting in effort on the LDR. He sounds like he was genuinely committed to you.
there is no harm in contacting him and seeing how he is doing. you dont need to tell him anything now about how you regret your decision and what not…thats in the past…worry about the present…a simple conversation can lead you to a better goal. if it works out and you want to see or talk, then do that. if not, then you know.
Let me guess, 14 hour time difference and you didn’t think you were getting enough attention?
If the ONLY reason why you are regretting being with him is because you cannot find someone…
You need to learn to be in a relationship with YOURSELF first… and be ok being alone….
It sounds more like you’re desperate for *a relationship * and not necessarily *that relationship *.
Which is not a healthy way to be. If you were fine being single after you broke up, and you’re only looking back because of this:
> me struggling to find someone now and really feeling the pressure of being single at 30 years old.
… then you need to work on you before getting into a new serious relationship.
You act like he took off to travel the world with friends he was doing it for school/career and you keep saying YOU are the one who couldn’t handle a LDR to me it sounds like he was really trying.
He even tried to get you back just before he finished school, and you still rejected him. By the sounds of it, you need a guy to be at your back and call and be able to talk and see each other whenever you need him.
Relationships fail for very simple reasons sometimes. A lot of the time it’s distance, and/or availability. Unluckily for you, last time it was both of those reasons. You broke up and kept distance between you two for your own well-being, and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, relationships can reignite when those barriers are no longer in place. If he will now have the time and proximity to you to put real effort into the relationship then there’s nothing wrong with reevaluating your current circumstances to decide whether you want to try again.
With that being said, if his lack of effort has put a sour taste on him for you, then please don’t settle for him because he’s the easy option right now. Finding a great partner is not easy, but you do deserve a good partner so don’t let the loneliness make you believe your standards are too high. If you want to spend the rest of your life with a person you have to make sure that person is right for you, not just right for right now.
Good luck, and remember people and situations change. Judge on their actions, not their words
i understand why you’re feeling that way. i’ve felt that too about my ex. we broke up on a mutual understanding but when he later tried to get back with me years later i no longer had feelings but sometimes feel a wave of regret cause he was a good guy.
but its not because you still love him. its because you’re lonely. it’ll go away once you stop putting so much importance to having a relationship and focus on other things you like.
also, dating apps are hard. don’t lose hope yet! maybe try some IRL dating?