I (18f) got my first job in a customer service position almost 6 months ago to try and desensitize myself to interacting with people; before which I would find myself scared to enter stores alone or talk to people in public whatsoever.
I now find that I really like some of my coworkers and want to become closer with them but have no actual experience in doing so, which so far has lead to me asking for socials and then messaging them once or twice a month about a shared interest we have.
It’s entirely possible they just don’t like me/talking to me, but I don’t know what to do to change that, what do normal people talk about everyday? I try to talk to them at work but end up either just listening to what they say or sitting in complete silence because I can’t think of anything interesting to say. Am I supposed to invite them to hangout..? Because even then I can’t imagine what it is I’d say or do.
I worry that spending the last 3-4 years of my life only talking to my immediate family with no friends has completely ruined my social skills, I had little to boot but now it’s so much worse. What can I do to work on this? How can I get practice without hurting my chances with these coworkers..?
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I’m not very good at social skills too, had a few years of my life with very little socializing as well, but there are a few ways too make people happy to talk to you:
– Make connections between topics, to keep the conversation fluid, try not to switch between very different topics too fast
– Remember the things they’ve said and that they like and try to come back to it, makes people feel that you care (not that you don’t care, it just makes the other person see it, y’know)
– If you don’t have much to add to the conversation, try to nod and just follow along showing that you’re listening. Sometimes asking for a little more information on some details makes the conversation run smooth
– Being polite to others goes a long way
– Small talk also goes a long way too (not that I’m good at it haha)
– Be careful not to interrupt important stuff or to try to talk in a bad time (can be hard to tell when it’s a bad time)
I know exactly how you feel bruh im 20 (M)and i was sent overseas a few years ago to finish high school, i was gone for about 4 years (left at 14 came back at 18) the entire time i was there i really had no one (only 1 friend and no family) to talk to, i was completely miserable and isolated myself the entire time (probably wasn’t the best choice) but it completely destroyed my social skills and my perception of reality altogether. Nowadays everything around me feels very unreal and distant, on top of all of that i developed very bad social anxiety there, to the point that i used to have panic attacks in social environments and would end up blacking out most of the time. Sorry I don’t have any advice for you, but i definitely know how you feel and hope you overcome your problem someday.
Let your coworkers know you are interested in them and are friendly by acknowledging them when you see them for the first time each day. Think about where you stand or sit logistically. What is your body language telling them? Are you close enough to be noticed as part of the group or are you a little to the side or slightly behind them? Sometimes this could give the perception that you don’t want to be part of the group or that you’re unfriendly or possibly just shy.
Dale Carnegie’s how to win friend’s and influence people helped me a lot. I’m actually thinking of rereading it now that I’m more experienced.
I was in a place where I had limited to no human interaction outside of work for three years. It heavily damaged my conversational skills by the time I returned home. Here’s what has helped me:
A: understanding that it takes time to repair mental trauma
B: sessions to talk to someone about it.
I never wanted to ask for help, but am glad I did. Therapy is slow but I can see progress. It’s always good to have an outside perspective to rebuild yourself
you need to be in social situations alot. if going to stores alone scares you, it’ll probably be harder to talk to someone than if you felt very comfortable just being around people. trust me the more you socialize or ‘desensitize’ yourself, the easier it gets
Simple don’t fear, like you posted this post. Just say hi my name is herald what’s yours, so you from around here, so what’s your ethnicity. Wow nice, have you ever been over there, nice, you have to numb your mind from any type of ego and meet. Aye you seem pretty cool want to kick it sometimes.
Maybe get a second part time job with lots of people. Like in a bar/restaurant. Chat with customers and co-workers. It’s a great place to practice social skills.
My nephew did this, and now he has friends. He moved to a new town and was working from home. The restaurant was a good place for him, and he makes extra money