My partner and I are in couples counseling due to his dishonesty early on in our relationship. He downloaded dating apps and texted women. He also looked up a hashtag on IG “babesofBrooklyn” after we moved in together which is what led to therapy. He said porn has been a form of self-soothing and his therapist has tied downloading dating apps as a form of seeking approval b/c he doesn’t love himself due to his childhood neglect and abuse.
Porn is a subject that we’ve been debating this week. I told him I think it’s immoral and he said he agrees that it’s not good but that it’s not entirely unhealthy. In therapy we talked about how I’m afraid that he’ll cheat if he gets comfortable with porn again (he stopped b/c I said it hurt me). The reason it hurt me is b/c I’m worried that he’ll do more things but the truth is in my heart, I think in moderation porn is ok. So today, our therapist assigned me the work of watching porn and seeing how I actually feel about it and working to cultivate a space of connection around the subject as opposed to fear / taboo.
I do think I might be open to maybe looking at porn ONCE IN A WHILE together (studies show that coupes watching porn together are stronger whereas when 1 partner is doing it can lead to cheating).
I’m curious if others allow porn in their coupledom and how it has affected the relationship – specifically commitment and intimacy.
Tl:dr: What are positive benefits porn has on relationship?
6 comments
>In therapy we talked about how I’m afraid that he’ll cheat if he gets comfortable with porn again (he stopped b/c I said it hurt me).
What?
Great way to learn new positions and kinks and also gets you both in the mood. Works for us every time
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>What are positive benefits porn has on relationship?
none… porn is addictive.. it’s like telling him he can have one chip.. pulllleease…
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>I told him I think it’s immoral
if you think it’s immoral wtf would you do it with him. do you like it? no? then don’t it.
I have zero objection to porn. My hubby and I have a fulfilling sex life but sometimes either of us are having a rough day or anxiety when the other one isn’t in the mood or not around and so watching porn helps us enjoy ourselves solo. The sexual release without expectations or needing to please the other person can be really soothing or therapeutic. Sometimes we watch porn together, comparing which bits really get to us, or to hype us both up before sex. As long as communication and intimacy are good, porn isn’t an issue for me.
If you can manage the potential addiction, it can be one small part of your tools in having sex, just like any other sex toy.
But too much reliance can cause distortions!!
It’s fun.
Same as jumping out of an airplane with a parachute, junk food, etc.
Stopping your spouse from doing something he/she enjoys will of course harm the relationship.
Personally I don’t see the connection between porn and cheating. Cheating is a seriously dick thing to do. Watching some porn isn’t going to make a person more or less moral when it comes to that.
It’s REALLY easy to not cheat.