I (22f) never had friends in middle/high school. They were fake “friend of the day” then go home and be alone. Every. Single. Day. For 7-8 years.
I joined the military at 19 to evolve and grow out of my introvertness. I’ve been more socially active since, even got married last July. Didn’t work out unfortunately after a month.
I feel I still haven’t found myself, and I’ve developed bad habits like spending a lot of money on a game because its been a good outting for me for 6 months. I find befriending people I’ve never met face to face is more comforting than going out because frankly I’m too shy. I do have friends in my work place, and have hung out occasionally with them in whatever setting.
However, I feel alone at the end of the day. Don’t get me wrong, after years of adolescent loneliness, I enjoy me-time. But how do I overcome the fear of not holding a decent conversation? How do I people? How do I learn to develop relationships further than a hang out every few weeks and a “hello” at work. I’ve seen these people CRUNK and I can’t seem to get past the initial stage of a friendship.