Confusion over changing reactions to sex

Hi there,

I’m really hopeful for some insight into an issue I seem to get occasionally around sex. This has happened with other partners in the past, however I’m a few months into a new relationship and I’m noticing this starting to sometimes happen again and I’m really keen to not let it become a pattern or at least try to figure out what could trigger it – or perhaps its something others have experienced before.

I’m normally quite a sexual person and I love having sex with my partner. But very occasionally, I will start having sex and just not be into it at ALL. I just want my partner to stop touching me because their touches feel suddenly repulsive, as in I get an urge to almost physically slap their hands away. Their kisses will feel the same, as though the same type of kissing I usually like suddenly becomes really horrible, again to a point where I feel almost repulsed. I just want the sex to be over with and my partner to get away from me. And yet they are doing absolutely nothing different to sort of things I usually love.

This happens quite rarely but when it does it is a really visceral reaction and I’m so worried that one day my partner will notice. I know communication is important but I have no idea where I’d even start to explain that for no reason at all, on some nights I find being with them repulsive and want to physically react (pushing or biting or anything) to get them away and to stop.

I’m sorry, this sounds really strange I’m realising as I’m typing, but I’m really hoping for any kind of advice. I’ve (thankfully) never been through any kind of sexual trauma, so I have no idea why I sometimes feel like this.