So I’m (26)(F) and my bf (28)(M). We’ve been dating for 2 years. We’re both in med school and one of our classmates who used to be a friend mine all of the sudden became very passive aggressive with me after me and him started dating. She tries to bring me down every time she gets a chance, never gets happy when something good happens to me, and straight up ignores me. I don’t think it’s because she likes him I think she might just be jealous of me for whatever reason cause she doesn’t flirt with him at all. I don’t confront her cause I don’t wanna be seen like I’m starting drama cause it’s all so low key that it’s hard to confront and if things go wrong I might look like I’m the bad guy.
Anyway, even though my bf sees how she’s being passive aggressive and making weird comments to me he still considers her a friend and wants to stay being really good friends with her and whenever I tell him she did something he acts very defensive (he’s working on this) he says he doesn’t know how to handle the situation because she’s been good to him. And we had multiple arguments over this especially because he’s always looking for her. He has a lot of friends that are girls but I don’t have a problem with that, and they’re all very nice to me and side with me that he should be on my side instead of defending her behavior.
We’re giving it one last try and hopefully we can make it work and I don’t wanna be controlling and tell him to cut her off completely but also it’s just really annoying because she’s doing Al this stuff right in front of his face and he dismisses it. Idk what to do. He’s great in any other way and we’re pretty good at communicating with each other most of the time except when it comes to her. He’s willing to talk things out and be supportive but I know for a fact that he doesn’t wanna give up his friendship with her. This has been going on for about a year now.
I just feel that I shouldn’t have to ask him to be on my side or to not be such good friends with her. What would a good compromise would look like if we try to make this work? Cause I literally hate their friendship but I don’t wanna be controlling and I’m willing to compromise.
TL;DR bf’s (girl) friend has been passive aggressive with me and when I tell him he gets defensive but he’s finally starting to work on it. He still wants to remain friends with her even though she’s tried to even break us up or get us to fight by lying to me.
4 comments
You have a competition, talk with your boyfriend about it.
He’s choosing her over you. He says that he doesn’t want to cut her off because she’s been good to him, but has no problem being her friend when she’s been bad to his girlfriend. There’s no point staying with someone who doesn’t prioritize your happiness and can’t send boundaries when his friend is being rude.
What are some examples of her behavior? Just to make sure so I know you’re not being unrealistic about your expectations.
My question is why u trying so hard to staying with someone who clearly not value and love you enough to protect and stand for u ? U know that u deserve better than this but u clearly don’t love yourself to have the courage to dump his shitty ass and also be straightforward to her like what’s her problem? Make sure u are with your good friends and inform them your situation clearly and leave this relationship girl please respect yourself life is too short to live like this with someone who ignore your discomfort and pain u don’t have a other girl problem u have a bf problem here
Could be that he’s cheated on you with her. Maybe not an ongoing thing but that would explain why he’s not cutting her off. He could be scared that she’ll retaliate by telling you. And would also explain why she’s so salty towards you