I feel awful for even posting about this because he’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of. I’ve been overweight my whole life and I’ve been bullied for it in the past, even by my ex. He’d treat me like I was disgusting and so unattractive to him, would encourage me to wear large clothes to hide my body. So to have someone who’s all about my curves and imperfections, encourages me to be sexy and is vocal about how attracted to me he is is absolutely amazing.
It does make me uncomfortable sometimes though. He likes to buy me and have me wear very sexy/revealing clothes and I love that he loves me in them but sometimes in public, he’ll be very vocal about how big my boobs or my butt are or will start rubbing and touching me etc which is awkward especially in front of his friends or strangers. Sometimes the way he touches me feels very sexual too and almost like it shouldn’t be done in public at all. Like he’ll have his fingers very close or in my panties or will grab my boobs or put his fingers in my mouth. I don’t mind it as much at the movies for example where we usually have a blanket but at a bar or restaurant or someone’s house, it’s kind of a lot.
He’ll be very vocal about what we do in the bedroom too, including if we’re out with friends and go to like a bathroom or the car for a quickie, he’ll make sure everyone gets the hint and that makes me so uncomfortable.
I’m scared to discuss it with him because I don’t want him to think I hate the attention he gives me and just stop entirely. Plus he did warn me before we started dating that when he’s in love, he voices it and shows it and I don’t want him to not be himself.
I’m just a very shy person and the things he does can be uncomfortable, especially because him and his friends are all older than me and some of the friends are married. I feel like even the way their wives look at us is very awkward and it makes me feel weird. When I tell him that, he just says I need to stop caring about other people. How can I bring this up to him in a way that doesn’t make him shut down but still get him to tone it down a bit?
4 comments
You have to discuss it with him. Some of the things you’re describing here definitely go beyond acceptable public conduct, and would make many people uncomfortable.
>How can I bring this up to him in a way that doesn’t make him shut down but still get him to tone it down a bit?
Tell him exactly what you’ve said here – “I really love the attention you give me, and you make me feel really empowered and sexy, but I am uncomfortable with some of these things in public”. And then specify what you’d like him to stop doing in public. Be specific about your boundaries (like “no touching my privates outside of the house” or “no talking to other people about our sex life/commenting about my body” etc).
Tell him you are not a sex object, you are uncomfortable and you do not want to be seen as a sex toy.
He’s putting on the spot in front of people, virtually proclaiming you as his sex toy. Deliberately coarse behavior. What a creep. You may hate the prospect of finding a new bf, but this one is stripping away your dignity.
You should definitely talk to him and set some limits.