I’m a bisexual woman in a straight relationship. I’m satisfied with my relationship/sex life with my boyfriend, but I often fantasize about women (particularly when I watch porn/masturbate). I’ve never had sex with a woman before, so I frequently wonder what it would be like.
I don’t know how to reconcile these feelings. I’m deeply in love with my boyfriend, but I can’t shake the thought that I’m missing out on a big part of my sexuality. I won’t tell him about this because I don’t want him to think he’s too inadequate to satisfy me sexually.
Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you deal with it?
37 comments
Why do you think he would feel that way? My gf is bi and we watch solo female porn all the time together. If he loves you then he wouldn’t want you to miss out on a big part of your sexuality.
That being said, I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect him to let you fuck other women. You can ask, but he’s not obligated to accept it
I realized early in life that I was bisexual and have been open from day 1 with my partners that I love women. I have found that most of my partners were totally fine with letting me fulfill my desire for women outside of my relationship. I have also included my partner with women on many occasions, which I also love doing!
Bring the energy into your sex life
You should just talk to him, everyone has different preferences. Most guys I’ve met, in a relationship, were okay with me being involved with other girls sexually, not emotionally.
My current bf is not okay with girl on girl, or anyone, since we are committed.
I’m bi, it’s a bit of a bummer but at the end of the day I love him and he is who I see myself with. I’ve also had limited experience with women, so I can understand the part of missing out on a part of your sexuality.
Eventually it’ll have to come out. At worst he will put the boundary down that he’s not okay with you getting involved with another woman. At best, he’s okay with it and you guys explore it together.
My dad gave me really good advice. He said to stop complicating things and enjoy the time I have with my man.
Life is too short to hold back. You both will figure it out with time. Time is never guaranteed. Bite the bullet and have the conversation. Enjoy the time you have together, whether it’s forever or not.
I swear – just tell him. Was dating a bisexual woman once, and I told her that as long as she would share her experiences with me I’d be totally fine with her messing around with other women behind my back.
And she would tell me some stories of making out with some of her friends, and we’d have the most amazing sex afterwards 🤘
Point being, he might find it insanely sexy!
It’s difficult to do, but you should talk to him. There’s pros and cons to both sides- telling him or not telling him. There’s a possibility that it will make him feel strange. There also a possibility that he will be accepting of it. I have had boyfriends in the past who would not be okay with me telling him about my curiosity with the same sex. I’ve made out with girls in the past and had a foursome with one of my girl friends. My husband knows about this. My husband is not okay with me messing around with anyone else, whether they are male or female. He does know about my sexual past, though and he was okay with that. It’s great having a partner who knows and understands my sexual history. I’ve had a lot of experience. My ex before him was really into the idea of me with other women. It actually turned me off because he was too enthusiastic about it. My ex before that ex, I couldn’t even tell him because he would have gotten angry about it, and that caused a strain in our relationship. Another ex knew about my interest in women and we would watch lesbian porn together while we had sex. It was a massive turn on for both of us. It really just depends on who your partner is, but at the end of the day I think it’s really important to be able to be honest with your partner. They should be respectful and accepting of you and vice versa.
You’re in a monogamous relationship.
Being bisexual doesn’t provide an out for infidelity. If you want to sleep with other people, break up with him.
talk to him about it., it will be a hard convo. but, just talk. non judgemental. if that is your fantasy it can be wonderful.
I would just talk to him about it. I’m a bisexual female, my husband and I have discussed the possibility of having a FMF threesome. We are open about our wants and needs at this point in our relationship. I watch mostly lesbian porn and can’t imagine a life without sexually fantasizing about women. Don’t be so hard on yourself!
Same way you deal with other sexual fantasies when you’re in a monogamous relationship..? The fact that the fantasies are lesbian, shouldn’t change the way you look at it from a practical level.
Telling him might not be the worst, it depends but you know him best. Personally we solved this problem by having threesomes and I also hookup with other women, but obviously that doesn’t work for everyone. Been doing that for about 2 years now and we have been together for 4 still going strong.
FFM, why not?
Nothing wrong with a fantasy. You don’t have to act on it.
If you do bring it up him and he is receptive, you may be able to have a female friend with benefits with his approval and enjoyment.
But if he’s not receptive, you can have a fantasy and never act upon it. Nothing wrong with watching lesbian porn, either. Almost all of it is more realistic than hetero videos, anyway. He may or may not become receptive in the future, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t fantasize. You would be among many many many women just like you.
He may not be “the one” and you may not stay together in the future. If he’s not open to you exploring whether or not this is just a fantasy or if you are truly bisexual, make sure your next man IS open and receptive. And maybe also try a female relationship to see what you think.
Here’s examples of bisexuality situations I observe daily — scenarios that may help your future decisions.
A niece left left a wonderful man the week before they were supposed to get married, she was convinced she was lesbian. She lived as a lesbian for two years and realized she’s bisexual. Next month she’s marrying a man that’s open to her bisexuality. And should they find a friend with benefits in the future, he will be receptive.
My youngest daughter is bisexual and the men she dates don’t mind. It’s never an issue.
My daughter-in-law’s father left his wife and family for another man. My daughter-in-law was age 14. Her dad and that man are still together all these years later. My daughter-in-law has two dads, who are very happy, and now retiring in Mexico together. Her mother and father remained best of friends until her mom died of leukemia just a few years ago.
I’m not so sure I could be so forgiving. I would’ve been pissed off if my husband didn’t figure out his homosexuality before we got married and had a family. I don’t care if he is gay, just need him to figure it out and come out before he freaking walks down the aisle with me. I don’t mind bisexuality, include me and I’m ok with it. But being shut out for the opposite gender is something I wouldn’t be able to forgive.
Good luck in your situation.
Tell him your fantasies. Maybe he’s down for a 3 some
how long have you been in the relationship? because if its long enough to have full trust snd commitment in eachother you could ask if you could experiment with women.
Please tell him this. Be open about it. I would be upset if my girlfriend kept this to herself.
Two trains of thought on this, which you’ll mostly see in this thread probably
1) You’re in a monogamous relationship, you jack off thinking about it and you put it to bed. You’ve both agreed not to sleep with anyone else, and that’s no different if it’s a man or a woman
2) Sleeping with woman is different, and it’s something he’ll never be able to fulfill. He gives you a hallpass or you try a FFM.
All you have to do is chose which one.
I’ve been in a similar situation but the bottom line is that if you’re monogamous & see things going long-term with your partner, you’ve more or less given up all other options anyway so you might as well make your peace with that.
It’s no different than other fantasies you might’ve had in the past– fun to think about but not going to happen irl, so I’d say indulging in porn (as long as your partner’s okay with it!!) is fine!
If it’s something you find you actually want to pursue irl, then I’d say bring it up to him so y’all can discuss the options
My ex was like this. Asked me if it was ok if she experienced this outside of our relationship and that was ok with me. I knew it was only a sexual thing and she wouldn’t leave me for a woman. Worked out very well. Few years later we broke up but that had nothing to do with hertrying out those things.
I’m a straight male. I think it’s ok to talk to your partner about your sexual preference and how would you want to treat them in your relationship. It’s very important to talk and listen to your partner on what each other wants. Even if you came up with an agreement, It’s a lot better than doing it behind their back.
Most of my exes had been in some sort of female-female relationship before we hook up. They still like checking out beautiful or handsome women (together with me openly) but they never really want anything beyond that.
My current girlfriend, however, never had a lesbian relationship. She admitted that she always has an interest in women and she would like to try it out but also want me to join in too. We both agree to restrict it to sex only when it comes to an FFM threesome. We tried it the first time a while ago with our acquaintance. It was awkward for all of us at first but turn out really amazing.
Straight dude here. A threesome sounds like a good compromise. You and your boyfriend have so much in common, you both like women. Sounds like a no brainer to me.
Edit: /s lol
That’s so easy, seek for a threesome, it’s very common that man what to try a threesome FFM, so you can start asking or start watching porn if threesome together. Share fantasies in a marriage become amazing when you have the trust to share them. Try it, certainly it will blow your mind that will happen.
Throwaway to comment here.
I have always considered myself straight. I love the presence and safety of a man. I guess I would consider myself heteroromantic.
However, I have always had a hard time with arousal. When I was in my 20’s (I’m in my 40’s), I remember exploring lesbian porn. I’m not much of a porn watcher in general but I do remember it turning me on. Was married 15 years. Had some good sex, had some sex when I wasn’t totally aroused. I always felt/feel like I never get horny, it’s hard to cum with out a vibrator. Lately I have noticed that I get aroused when thinking about sex with a woman or if I see female porn. Even reading this turned me on a little. I’m having a really hard time with the mental block of being with a woman. However I am having sensations I’ve never really had before physically. I don’t want a secret lesbian life but I don’t want to be public about it either. I guess I’m bi-curious and am really having a hard time pulling the trigger and exploring sex with a woman and actually how to do go about that. I also don’t want to be involved in a poly relationship. The idea of a FFM threesome is appealing to me… but not really sure the safest way to go about it, as I am single. The whole idea of exploring that part of my sexuality is scary or intimidating. Not sure if it’s due to shame or societal stigmas- maybe both.
Long term I do desire to be with a man and have a fulfilling sexual relationship with him.
I know this probably doesn’t help OP but hopefully I’m adding to the conversation by saying you’re not alone, OP.
I’m bisexual/pansexual. I’ve only been with men (was already dating my now husband when I realized I’m not straight).
Everyone has fantasies, it’s perfectly normal!! If you enjoy them and don’t act on them, it’s perfectly fine to fantasize. It sounds like you do want to act on them, which is understandable.
My fantasies about women will just stay fantasies though. I love my husband and I will never be with anyone else. We are strictly monogamous, and me being bi/pan doesn’t change anything. He doesn’t fetishize lesbian relationships and would consider anything outside of our relationship to be cheating (rightfully so).
Some guys are cool with their girlfriends having sex with women because they think it’s hot and don’t see other women as equal competition for them sexually or romantically. Some people get off on the idea their partner is with someone else. Bottom line, if your partner is strictly monogamous, stepping out of the relationship with *anyone* is cheating, no matter the gender. Cheating with a woman is cheating, same as with a man.
You have some questions to ask yourself:
> Do I see this relationship as a long-term thing? Possibly marriage?
If the answer is no, you need to consider if you want to leave to experience other things. This is entirely your choice!
If the answer is yes, this is a serious relationship heading toward a lifelong commitment, either you keep it to yourself or share your feelings with him. Only you can decide what’s best for you, but I think you probably shouldn’t be with someone if you can’t also be your authentic self. If his feelings about you don’t change and he’s ok with you sleeping with women, ok. If not, you need to decide if you are willing to choose this person above any other person, including women.
What I recommend is coming out to your partner if you feel safe to do so. You can test the waters by asking him how he feels about the LGBT community etc… It’s another aspect or you- not the most defining part of you, but an important one nonetheless. I told my husband early on in our relationship that I’m bi/pan and he was very loving and accepting. I wish that for you! I told him I was afraid to come out because I didn’t know how it would change his feelings about me.
That’s the route I recommend instead of the nuclear option of “I’m bi and I fantasize about fucking other people (women).”
My fantasies are mine and they have nothing to do with the love or loyalty I have for my husband. They’re literally just that, fantasies. Spicy thoughts. I’m not going to beat myself up for privately thinking about something and you shouldn’t either.
My wife left me for another woman after 12 years and two kids. I begged and pleaded for her to stay. It was a waste of my breath. My advice to other men is never try to talk a woman out of being a lesbian.
I’m a woman marrying the (male) love of my life soon.
I everything about sex with women. I love how soft they are. I love the sounds they make when you touch them in the right places. I love it when they completely give in and writhe and scream. I love that they just don’t have to stop – you can keep going until they are incoherent and shaking. I bring women home often, and I’m trying to build a relationship up to introduce group play.
Just talk to your partner. He might be fine with it. If I text my fiance that a first date is going well, he quickly tidies up the bedroom, lays out the restraints, and takes a walk. Then he comes back and fucks the shit out of me because I’m hyper aroused.
Currently dealing with the same problem. Following 🫠
I can relate to this. I’m a woman who is in a relationship with another woman and I’ve never experienced anything sexual with a guy. I have been fantasizing about it and I have talked to my partner about this even before we started dating.
Talk to your man he is down for the double beej
Talk to your man he is down for the double beej
Have him put on a wig and wear perfume.
My wife is bi and we have it set up as this:
She is allowed to sleep with women if she feels the need to explore and satisfy that desire only IF I am sexually satisfied and happy in our marriage.
And the deal happens at home when I’m around just to be safe.
Stop watching porn and try to cut off fantasing about woman while masturbating
Threesome
Never date a bisexual person. They all do this bullshit.
Break up with your poor bf for fucks sake
I have two friends who are engaged (male straight) and (female lesbian) they are also in an open relationship. If you wanna think about girls or watch girl porn just go for it, I’m straight but I watch any Porn its there to satisfy people.