Had a nice first date with someone today. Conversation was good but did feel like I had to do most of the prompting, although he did seem to genuinely engage. We have some things in common (career, never married no kids) but touched slightly on a few differences (politics, religion). He was certainly nice enough that I could entertain a second date, but I didn’t feel a physical attraction. Like, I just don’t picture him to ever be the type to be the lead in the bedroom if you know what I mean. Do I go on a second date or just say the spark wasn’t there? Or does it take more than one date to figure that out? I just don’t want to lead him on if it doesn’t end up happening.
2 comments
you have to answer that one yourself. if you feel that a spark could happen given a second date then go for it but don’t waste your time or his time.
Ultimately it’s your choice, but based on the information above, I see a few problems.
1. Your post implies that the person’s behaviour during the first date would translate directly to their behaviour in the bedroom, which is not necessarily accurate given the span of time you’ve known this person. They may not feel comfortable, may have been nervous, any possibilities; but you don’t yet know them well enough to know that. Saying you can’t ‘picture’ him to be the type to lead in the bedroom is a pretty large assumption to make, and may even reinforce gender stereotyping a little, but if it’s your desire for him to take the lead he may need to know that and have that communicated to him. Again, you are unlikely to know this based on one date.
2. It’s not clear what your intentions are. If you didn’t feel an immediate sexual/physical connection, and you are only looking for a ONS or casual fling, then maybe move on. If you’re looking for something long term, long term connections take time to build. I can personally speak from experience that I have found people more exciting, sexually attractive and intoxicating only once I got to know them a little better.
3. Again, only based on the information above, you focus a lot on the differences. Having partners who challenge us, are unique and who have their own views is (in my opinion) is healthy. It may be helpful to focus on common interests and values, to begin with, if you’re interested in this person.
Good luck!