How do you feel about the tradition of the woman taking on the man’s name when getting married?

34 comments

  1. As a guy I really don’t care who’s name we take

    I’m actually in the process of changing my last name and so I could go with anything my future partner wants too

    I like the idea of sharing a last name but not worried about tradionally taking on mine

  2. I don’t feel strongly about it one way or another. I probably would take my husbands last name but if I found the paperwork tedious or annoying I’d just say eff it lol

  3. It’s not a tradition in my culture, both just keep their names as they are.

    I don’t feel anything at all about what other people do, as long as it isn’t some BS Twitter “it’s emasculating to the man if the woman doesn’t take his name reeee” reasoning behind it.

  6. I have no negative feelings towards those that choose to take their husbands last name nor towards those that chose not to. My husband didn’t care either way, I’m the one that chose to change my last name to his. I think having the same last name is the only thing that makes sense, but to each their own.

  8. Don’t care. As long as it’s optional rather than mandatory, I cannot be bothered to care about people’s choice of name changing at marriage (if any).

  9. To each their own. If I were getting married today I wouldn’t take my husband’s name. I feel like the tradition is outdated. But I don’t care if other people choose to do so.

  10. I understand the reasons for wanting to keep your own name, but personally, I’d love to take a husband’s name if he’d be okay with it.

    My parents never wanted me, so I have no attachment to my family last name. I’d be very grateful to have the name of someone who does love and want me.

  11. I think people should do whatever they want. I had a teacher in high school who got married and him and his new wife, created their own new last name together. And back in 2012 that was basically unheard of. My best friend got married last year and was fully intending on changing her name to his, but they both changed their minds after realizing how much paperwork it would be.

  13. It’s definitely rooted in patriarchy—that women go from one man’s house (their father) to another (their husband’s). That being said, I think a lot of people find meaning in it as they “become a family.” I have no issue with people doing it but it does feel traditional and I don’t like the judgment I’ve heard from that group about people who don’t take the name. My mom didn’t take my dad’s last name and that made them no less married or committed to each other.

  14. I believe it’s a personal choice. I made the decision to not take my husbands name, and if we have children they will have both mine and my husbands last name.

  15. Up to the woman to decide. I will not do it again. I hyphenated as a compromise. My ex wanted me to, even though it wasn’t the norm in his culture. I went back to my maiden name after the divorce. The hoops to go back were worth it, but I won’t change it again.

  16. I still have great/funny memories of having crushes and writing “Mrs. ___” in my diary, so I don’t have any negative feelings toward it. But I’d be fine with keeping my last name, too. I like my last name.

  17. I think it’s cute. I want to feel like a part of his family and the name change helps with that. Plus, I like following traditions and I like my boyfriend’s last name better than mine

  18. If someone wants to do it, then go ahead. Especially if they want kids, I get wanting one family name. But the default of women taking men’s last names is ridiculous (in my culture, I know other cultures don’t follow this).

    For me, I’m not interested in taking my fiancé’s last name. I like mine better, I’m lazy, and there’s no reason for me to do so. Two relatives looked shocked when I told them I wasn’t taking his name (they assumed I was and asked what my name will be).

    My identity is just as important as his, why should I have to compromise? If my fiancé wanted to change our names to a hyphenated version of our last names, I wouldn’t love it, but I would be willing to do that as long as we both had to go through the process.

    I was born before my parents got married, so my mom gave me her unmarried name, and I had that name until I was in middle school and wanted to have the same name as my parents. (My mom didn’t hyphenate, she uses her last name to her middle name)

    I don’t know exactly what prompted the change, because I can’t remember the exact year I changed it. But if I had to guess, it’s because my sibling was on the way, and I’d be the only one with a different last name in my family. I chose my last name, and I’m happy with it, and I don’t feel the need to change it again.

  19. I absolutely love how great my married game does with my first name – but if I married later in my career I am not sure I’d have changed it.

  20. I didn’t, if it was a big deal to my husband I probably would have though. I have several professional licenses in my maiden name, and was in the middle of graduate school when we got married. My college told me not to even try to change it until after graduation. I don’t really like having my father’s last name either. We knew we weren’t having kids so it wouldn’t matter, and literally no one ever asks me. I don’t think it’s that big of a deal either way.

  21. It depends what the name is! If it is a funny name or sounds ridiculous with my first name I’d probably think twice 🤣

  22. I never wanted to, my ex husband also had an egregiously ugly last name. The reasoning they give is “commitment, loyalty, family” but really after stepping out of the relationship it was to put a mark on me to make me even more of his property. I never intended to change my name and now I never will.

  23. I don’t feel strongly one way or the other but I’ve always thought it would be cool if the couple got to pick a new family name. Like a new last name for both of them, as long as there’s no family lineage they’re trying to carry on.

  24. If it works for them, that’s fine. I’m planning on taking my partner’s last name but that’s mostly because his last name is way cooler and I don’t have a strong attachment to my current last name.

  26. I’m a 34F and haven’t yet found anyone marriage worthy (thought I had but it didn’t work out). As much as I would probably take a husband’s surname, as I desire a future family (name to me gives connection/cohesion), I also have a good career that I have worked hard for so would keep my name in a professional setting because it is linked to my professional achievements and development.

  27. He would have to have a really beautiful name for me to add his name to mine. I like my family a whole lot and I want to keep my family name as it is. He’s welcome to take mine if he wants.

    What other people decide to do Is their choice. I don’t care.

    I’ve already changed my first name, so I think my parents would be happy if I kept at least one of the names they gave me 😅

  28. I did it 30 years ago because I wanted our whole family to have the same name once we had kids. However, I’ve advised my adult daughter not to change hers if she gets married. It’s too much of a risk now with restrictive voter registration laws, and she’s in a field where she needs security clearance and it makes the background check more complex. But it’s her choice, of course.

  29. My mother got her maternal name back after my parents got divorced. My aunt did hyphenated of their both last names.

  30. I wasn’t planning on doing it but ended up going for it. My name combo was pretty common before, and now it’s entirely unique. I like that. Otherwise he and I didn’t have strong feelings either way.

  31. My husband and I wanted to share a name. We both considered each others names. I have a lot of family attachment to my middle name, and I like his family name, so taking his name made sense. I liked that he was willing to consider taking mine.

    I don’t have feelings about the choices others make on this

  33. Fine if she wants to or doesn’t have a surname because she was born in a country where having one is not the custom.

    Quite a few couples are now combining their surnames with a hyphen, both opposite sex and same sex married couples.

    But no woman with a surname should be forced to change her name because she is married, as my mother was by the passport office during the early 1980s.

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