Title pretty much explains it all. I’m sure he was joking. And will tell me as much if I ask him about it.
He has told me in the past he wishes I was Latina and that I deceived him when we met because I had a spray tan.
He increasingly has brought up our culture differences, looks, language, cooking, cleaning, etc. and he compares me to his sisters, mom, and cousins wives often. All are Latina.
I’ve made tons of effort to understand the culture, make the food, even learn the language (going slow on this one, it’s difficult to manage on top of a full time job for me personally). And when I’ve spent hours making recipes from his mom, it’s still not like hers.
Overall, everytime I try, I get discouraged because he doesn’t have the patience to teach me, or he tells me I should just know how he likes things done or just know what to do. (or doesn’t even know how to do it himself). Like I FOLD wrong because his sister was in town and did everything for him and did it perfectly and she just knew how.
He told me his mom wanted him with a Latina. But his mom married a white guy, his sister is with a white guy. But white people are nasty?
Kinda going on a rant here, but I feel stuck as I can’t reason with him on this as he will just tell me im being too sensitive. Or he was just kidding and I need to get over it because it was a joke.
I know I can’t change his feelings and I’m clearly doing something wrong. How do I get better? How do I better learn the culture? I can’t change my skin color or how I was raised but what can I do to make him feel like idk at home with me?
My job is extremely stressful and it can be hard for me to manage doing the chores, learning a language, going to the gym so I can look good for him, etc. so he is having to help with a lot of chores since he’s not working right now. And he told me no one cares if my job is stressful. How do some women do it all? I’m honestly at a loss because I don’t have the energy for all this, especially to be met with him making comments like white people are nasty.
I’m debating on taking a lower paying job with less stress so I can do more around the house. Can therapy help me manage my workload better? Am I being lazy? Can him an I work out if he’s always wishing I was something/someone else?
7 comments
>He has told me in the past he wishes I was Latina and that I deceived him when we met because I had a spray tan.
This alone should have made you leave.
>Can him an I work out if he’s always wishing I was something/someone else?
No
He treats you like shit. You’re not his maid, but that’s what he wants you to be. **He is the lazy one** if he can’t do his own housework.
What would you tell your best friend if they had a boyfriend like yours?
You’re not compatible. There’s nothing wrong with you. Drop the relationship and work on bettering yourself. Good luck, OP.
You are with someone who doesn’t value you. You shouldn’t have to jump through hoops to meet his expectations. He should be happy that you are trying to learn the language, and cook some of his favorite meals. You can’t become something you aren’t. I don’t think anything you do will ever be good enough for him.
You are with someone who doesn’t even have a job, and has the nerve to tell you that no one cares about the stress you’re under? He is causing a lot of the stress. He is holding his approval out of reach, forcing you to chase after it like it was something you need in order to live.
Dump this guy, he is abusing you. Find someone who loves you as you are and doesn’t expect you to meet his unrealistic expectations. You could also stay single and work on your self-esteem. A confident, self-assured woman wouldn’t put up with the disrespect this man is showing you.
You have value as you are now. I doubt you will ever meet his expectations and will continue to strive for his approval which is unattainable, and will remain just out of reach.
If you have a younger relative you love, think of what you would tell them if they were being treated this way.
If you have to change who you are fundamentally and culturally for a relationship…. Then it’s never really going to be right.
What is he willing to do to fit with your culture? Why is his culture and traditions and family more important than yours?
Why are you seeming to be doing all the heavy lifting in this relationship? Why are you always having to chase him?
Power dynamic is wrong here. You are constantly chasing him and trying to contort yourself in fear that he’ll break up with you otherwise. Not really a reasonable expectation of you
Why are you with such an awful person who constantly makes you feel insecure and makes racist remarks to his sister about you?
Dump this loser and go follow your own career path instead of being his free maid. Stop doing anything that YOU don’t want to do for YOURSELF and focus on YOU. I promise you’ll be much happier when you lose the weight (HIM).
Uh the only way you’re getting him to stop is by changing race and that’s not possible so let’s go find your spine where you dropped it and leave. He’s abusive. HE’S CALLING YOU DISGUSTING I AM GENUINELY WORRIED ABOUT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH AND SELF WORTH.
“He has told me in the past he wishes I was Latina and that I deceived him when we met because I had a spray tan.”
That was the point you should have dumped him and never looked back. Do it now – better late than never.