I’ll give some context about myself before we start,
I am 25yo, I come from a very loving family, I moved from India to the US for a master’s and I like the time that I have spent here, during this time I have also noticed a stark difference in the way people live or date here. People seem very confident in themselves, most aren’t worried about what the future holds, and they live in the moment and seem to have a good dating life.
I on the other hand, I plan ahead, I am constantly worried about my future, and I don’t have much experience in dating. I grew up in a culture where it seems like a man’s worth comes from the amount of wealth and resources he can provide for his family, this has made me always focus on my studies though you might see this as a positive, I wish I had some romantic interest from a girl to make me feel “human” (I hope this is the right word).
I have female friends and I care about them (PS, they do wish to set me up with someone, but they don’t have friends who would make a good match). I also don’t approach random women, and not really into hookups, so the US dating scene has me confused, I am not able to meet a lot of women, and online dating is a pain. The only dating experience I’ve had an online thing that went on for a year during covid, and the other few girls I matched with ghosted me or talked too much about their ex.
Looking at the way my life is going, it feels like the only way I will be able to find a partner is through the arranged marriage route though this is not bad, it kinda hurts thinking that I wasn’t able to find a single person that I could fall in love with.
My brain also doesn’t do a good job, it always shows how bad the relationship would turn out, or how I’m just another guy in her life, or how my worth is solely tied to my ability to earn.
I don’t know how relatable my post is to you, but I would like to hear your opinions.
Some more details about my lifestyle which would give you a better idea of me, I don’t smoke or drink, I am fairly fit, a decent height of 5’9″, I play soccer, I like the outdoors, not super religious so I am open to learning about other religions, I love kids and wish to have my own, So I’d like to find someone with the same values.
4 comments
I’m also 25 yo, and i date the same woman since we both were 19. Already wearing rings and most likely marry in the near future. I also have a lot of women as friends, actually more than men, it’s fine. Drop that arranged marriage thing, go talk to a girl in a bar, someone you study or work with, something, don’t overthink it
Bro, you can’t compare yourself with what you see other people and how they carry themselves. Everyone has shit they shovel. You have to trust that things will happen at divine time. You are learning, growing, still in school. Dating is intriguing, but it’s also an enormous opportunity to focus on building yourself a day at a time. Keep your friends close to you, build them up and your life will continue to unfold in the way you would like it to. Date when you are 30, making straight cash in a Range Rover my guy. Until then, grind and have FUN
You sir, are gentleman & a scholar, I salute you. It’s a tough scene out there for a lot of folks but you have to keep fighting the good fight! I met the love of my life on a dating app so it’s possible. Just keep your head up & take chances to put yourself out there in new ways even if it seems futile at times.
Well you shouldn’t simply get married or decide on an arranged marriage because you feel like your biological clock is ticking. Many couples find each other later in life. I think at this age, you should focus on exploring the world, learning new things and not settle down so early just to tick off a cultural norm in your nation. That’s usually a recipe for disaster and an unhappy marriage.
Instead, find what you love and in time, people will be also be attracted to you. That being said there are many people who settle down early, but those people tend to be Sensor-Judgers who like predictability and routine.