29 M was in a relationship with single mom 33F for 9 months. I loved her, but She broke up with me last night, says she is looking for a father figure for her kid, says I am not treating her well and her kid. She told I only like her not her kid. Her ex is around, she is doing co-parenting with him. They divide kid 50-50, Sometimes I used to get anxiety hanging around her kid thinking that it’s not my kid, wish it was mine. I can’t discipline her, no authorization. I never treated bad to her kid, in fact the kid loves me. Just her mom wasn’t able to see it, she thought I didn’t put enough effort to her and her kid. Last week for the first time I had to drop the kid to her ex house cuz she had work. I really didn’t want to see her ex but I had no choice, that gave m anxiety afff. I know I had to see her ex sometime since they are co-parenting.
TLDR – i dont know what to say, i loved her but i guess is love is just not enough when anxiety kicks in
6 comments
Unfortunately she needs to find someone compatible with not just herself, but her child and her whole coparenting situation.
To be fair, doing a drop off 9 months in for her is a bit early, but in any case she needs to make the right decision for herself and child.
If being around her kid and ex gave you anxiety that you weren’t able to manage effectively then it sounds like despite the love you had, it is probably the best decision in the long run for you as well.
Dude. You’re almost 30 so yeah, wise up: Love is not enough.
For a single parent, you also need to be compatible with the child and the family life the parent wants for the child. Your anxiety with the child, and with her co-parent, after nine months of dating was a pretty reasonable dealbreaker for her to have. It doesn’t matter if the kid loves you, the sorts of thoughts you were describing having about the child and the ex were toxic af.
You’re not compatible.
You should probably avoid dating single parents. It’s okay to not be good at it, but it’s important to know that about yourself.
Why are your chances going to be less because you hit 30 this year? Dating gets easier as you get older.
I think you might just not have been right for her. If they split parenting 50/50 I can’t see why she needs a father figure for the kid as the father is on the scene.
Dating single parents is hard and risky. Imagine building a bond with a kid over a few years only to split up and discover you have 0 parental rights. That would feel like a bereavement for me I think
Never, ever, long-term date a single mom/dad if you arent one yourself. Its not worth it, and they will always believe that its a balanced relantionship. Its not. So be glad you’re free to look for somebody without baggage and dont be afraid to grow up and be happy on your own if a good partner doesnt show up in some time.
This is why many people avoid dating seriously single moms. It’s a much heavier load to deal with for dating.
This doesn’t seem to be the post or someone who mature or emotionally healthy enough for a healthy and stable relationship, let alone one involving a kid. It’s good that she is protecting her child from the longterm effects this situation could have, she’s being a good parent.
I’m a near your age, and maturity isn’t dictated by a number.
It’s also not great that she broke up with you, and you’re trying to convince her to get back with you while simultaneously setting no plan to improve.