Has anyone ever given their partner a list of things to work on and it turns out well?
Short story 29(m) and I 28(f) have been together 3 years, 2 married. We’re on the brink and living apart at the moment. There’s still a lot of love albiet major trust issues on my end. Fundamental differences that we had ignored are poking through. I know now in retrospect and with therapy that was a mistake. He’s requested I write up things that need to change for me to move back in. I feel like handing him a list of behaviors to change is not going to be helpful long term as it’ll be short term changes but not genuine since they’re not for himself.
Any advice or thoughts or tales of experience appreciated.
3 comments
It sounds like you guys are incompatible.
Take reconciliation off the table.
That sounds like a terrible idea. Have you done therapy together?
Edit: he pulled a knife on someone. Don’t try to reconcile. Keep yourself safe.
Do not frame this as issues that HE has to change about himself.
Instead, lay out what *you* need to feel safe/secure.
I do no think a list of everything that is wrong with him is going to fix anything, but.. a list of specifically what you need might help him understand your needs.