She believes that Im her friend’s child and not hers. She thinks that when i talk to her on the phone its a prerecorded message. She thinks my sister a stranger, tried locking her out the house last night. She doesnt know who my sister is. My mom told me a few weeks ago she was diagnosed with dementia and then said the doctor claimed she didnt have dementia. Im so lost and confused and hurt and need someone to tell me what to do. Im homeless working two jobs to save up for a place and my dad died in November and he was my familys glue. He held us together. I don’t know what to do, the pressure and weight of the world is crushing me. I have nobody else to ask. Please someone tell me what I need to do, my head isnt straight anymore
32 comments
Dementia is a big load to carry, and with grief too you’re all under huge pressure.
You and your sister sound like you’re now hear nearest relatives, legally speaking. Have a chat with her doctor and say you’re concerned about her as this leaves her vulnerable. If she hasn’t already signed a power of attorney, you may need legal help with that so you can make decisions between you on how best to care for her from here on. Best of luck.
Oh, sweetheart, this is heartbreaking!
Can you go to the doctor with her, and find out what’s really going on? It may also be some unusual grief reaction, or trauma-induced psychosis. You need to figure out what you’re dealing with.
You’re young – are you close with an aunt, uncle, or grandparent who can help?
This is awfully sad. Have a virtual hug.
Is your mom going through a psychosis brought on by grief? It’s a possibility it is early onset dementia too.
Either way, it’s painful and I’m so sorry this is happening to you. How old is your sister? Can you reach out to extended family? This isn’t something you need to go through alone.
Take a deep breath, the weight of the world is not your problem. Taking care of yourself is your problem. Try going home if youcan and maybe, her seeing you, will wake your mother up to recognize you are her daughter. If you can get in and have a room then you can work on her to try to get help. Talking to her on the phone seems to feed her delusions.
First you need a safe place to stay. My daughter actually lived in her car for several months because she lost her apartment. She was living away from us or I would have put her up. If you can do that, I guess, do that but best to find a room to rent. Where you can go depends on where you are, there are homeless shelters where you might be able to sleep. Check with your county or city government where you might find a shelter.
Your mother needs psychiatric help, unfortunately, unless she realizes it and seeks help you can’t force her to get it.
You need to get your mom to a doctor. And you need to go *with* her. It’s alarming for dementia to set in so quickly so young, and it could be indicative of other issues.
My mother had similar issues with my siblings, not believing they were hers but somehow a result of an affair my dad had and they put the babies in her, but it was schizophrenia. (Who she thinks my dad has an affair with changes from his mum, to his sister to the neighbours, to her cousin/ sister / mum).
My mother was very violent because of her delusions.
You need to take your sister with you to a safe place. Do you have family? Then you need help and advice from a doctor.
Mom is having a psychotic break!
There was a post a while back where the mother and wife suddenly acted very unusual. Turned out she had what is called Capgras Syndrome. But essentially she thought her children and husbands where “clones” and not the real people. She was entered into psychiatric care and with a great deal of effort she recovered luckily. I am not saying that this is it, but you mention some similarites. Speak to a medical professional about the symptoms. I wish you and your family luck and love.
I’m so sorry. This could be dementia or it could be several other things. You need to get a therapist, now. You’ve lost both parents within 6 months. Nobody can handle that. Tell your therapist about how you’re feeling – not your mom, your sister, or anyone else. That will help you get your bearings again. As for your mom: 1. Don’t take anything she says as factual. Double check every statement. 2. Contact her doctor. Tell the doctor what you’re telling us. You’ll need to make a plan for care. 3. Don’t argue with her or try to convince her of anything. She’s not going to “snap out of it” I’m afraid. 4. If your family has a lawyer who handled your dad’s will, contact that person. If not, the doctor or therapist may have some recommendations. Tell them you may need to establish conservatorship over your mom. Do this quickly – scammers prey on people with dementia.
Sorry you’re going through this.
Not a doctor but this sounds like psychosis
You need to worry about you. At most you need to find out who your moms doctor is, and call him or her and explain what is happening so your mom gets help. But you need to fix your situation first or it will overwhelm you.
Also post this in askdocs sub. Still yeah, get her to a physician
Look up Capgras delusion.
ETA: Delusion can come from a primary psychosis or can be present due to an acute medical complication. More rarely, it may come from an acute mood episode. I haven’t heard of Capgras delusion being present in an acute depressive episode, but I wouldn’t rule it out.
That said, that particular delusion has a strong connection with neurological dysfunction where there’s some sort of disconnect between fusiform gyrus (the part of the brain that does facial recognition) and an emotional processing part of the brain (like the amygdala), causing people to have a strange emotional disconnect when they see (but not when they exclusively hear) people they have a strong emotional connection with.
She needs to see a neurologist and a psychiatrist if this is new onset. Unfortunately, not all doctors are created equal. It may not be easy to find one who both recognizes what this is and has a plan for what to do. With an acute change like this, I’d push really hard for an MRI. Also, whenever an older adult has an acute mental status change, I’d push really hard for a urinalysis to assess for urinary tract infection.
You may get traction in getting the right assessment done in an ED. If they want to send her to inpatient psych, that might be right but make sure they do labs and imaging first.
Did she have a traumatic brain injury? I hope you get some answers from her doctors.
How old are you?
You’re going to have to speak with Adult Protective Services for this. This is above Reddit’s pay grade.
Take your mom to the ER if she’s showing you an altered mental state.
If she’s a threat to herself or to another person, have her held for a psychiatric assessment. That’s not normal and sounds like it isn’t even run of the mill dementia. There’s delusions and paranoia involved. She needs professional help
I went through all of this between the ages of 10-16. I know it’s hurtful, and hard, and scary. Dementia really difficult to watch your loved one-especially a mother- succumb to.
This is literally almost exactly my situation as a child, and what I wish I could’ve done then (I’m 22 now) if find her a good, reputable home and to visit her everyday. If it’s possible to afford an in home caretaker, that’s even better.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m sorry you have to witness this.
You call the police and have her forcefully taken to the hospital for a psych eval.
Sounds like paranoid schizophrenia. I’d take her to a Dr and get her checked. Sounds very similar to what my nan was like
A friend lost his wife and his mental heath plummeted. He’s got dementia bit he’s paranoid and angry and so forgetful. She needs to see a professional ASAP. She’s having some kind of mental breakdown.
Your Mom, your sister, and you are all adults, which is both good and bad.
My Mom has Dementia, but she is 93. Your Mom sounds like she is having some serious mental health issues, but without seeking medical help, it’s impossible to know if it is Dementia or something else. She could be having some kind of breakdown.
I would suggest that you do not wait for a Doctors appointment. Take your Mom to the emergency room (with your sister if at all possible) and present a united front with the medical staff related to her recent statements.
She’s in a bad way, OP. Take her in and get her evaluated ASAP.
Capgras Delusion
Is there some sort of service like adult protective services that can intervene? I know there may be requirements like age, but getting a social worker involved can help get some answers and improve her quality of life.
This sounds like a schizophrenic episode to me, and if her husband just died that could’ve been a trigger for it. If there’s any family history of severe mental illness such as this , this could likely be a cause of her odd paranoia and delusions.
If there’s family history of dementia this could also be at play but to have such a quick decline at a fairly young age I highly suspect more at play here.
I work in mental health with people like her. A doctor needs to check her for UTI (very typical behavior for UTI) and Vitamin B levels. A B deficiency can cause behavior like this. With your father being gone, she may have an unfamiliar routine now, and something happened to trigger dementia with psychosis.
She sounds like she is delusional. Have her seen by an MD and psychiatrist asap. No telling what her delusions will have her thinking next. See if you or a family member can stay with her. If she talks about harming herself or someone else,
I see below you’re at the ER. Tell them about her self-harm history.
My heart goes out to you on the loss of your father.
Y’all need to get her to a doctor, and sadly probably have her declared incompetent. And get power of attorney, obviously. And you may need to get her full-time care.
She needs to see a doctor asap. She may have dementia bit it could also be trauma/etc that could be making things worse.
Very sudden onset Dementia is terrifying but this really sounds like what you are experiencing.
My dad has alzheimers & this post hits home. Hes not there yet but its def started.
r/dementia
Join that subreddit and post. They can help you with resources and advice. You absolutely need to call Adult Protective Services. She needs more help than your family can provide at this point.