What’s the most underrated quality in a partner, and why do you think it’s important?

6 comments

1. I think something that’s not mentioned enough is receptiveness to vulnerability. Nothing worse than a loved one who looks at you like you’re crazy when you’re being vulnerable.

2. Their ability to understand and communicate their own feelings. I think the communication part is rated pretty highly I guess but I don’t see a lot of people mentioning how important it is for someone to be able to identify and interpret their own feelings. Like, if they’re feeling grumpy and stressed, *they need to be able to figure out why*. It’s not someone else’s job to figure that out. But that often becomes part of the emotional labour women are expected to do.

3. Kindness. Being kind to you. Being kind to other people. Being kind to animals. Being kind to themselves. Just kindness in general.

   Without kindness in your partner, you will always feel a little bit alone.

4. I’ve noticed being hardworking seems to help across the board. He’s never been without a job for more than six months at a time, he doesn’t slack around the house, and if I’m upset with him he immediately starts trying to fix whatever he did or I’m upset at him for. It doesn’t matter what’s going on or needs to be done, he’s on it. Men in the past were lazy shits across the board. They all started out great, then leaned on me more and more and more in all areas and the next thing you know all of your sex is the same shitty missionary with no foreplay.

5. Reasonableness. They can act and talk in a rational way, their actions make sense, they can think things through logically and make connections between emotions, actions, behaviors, habits etc. It’s so much easier being with someone who can just take that slight step back, be objective and not be completely consumed by themselves or how they’re feeling in just that moment. I’m not saying they should be completely unemotional, in fact I think emotions can be factored into logical thinking as well.

   For example, let’s say you have a conflict about doing the dishes. A reasonable person might say “Yes I understand that I should do the dishes straight away, but I didn’t have time on this occasion because I had to rush to work. I promise to make sure I have more time next time. However I felt the way you snapped at me was a little unfair and it made me feel quite frustrated in the moment.” Whereas an unreasonable person might jump straight into attacks, feeling defensive etc.

6. Flexibility. I feel like once people hit a certain age, they have a hard time venturing outside their comfort zone. That can lead to monotony and resentment. In a relationship, there’s no opportunity to grow because you’re doing the same thing instead of expanding your horizons.