TL/DR What are your relationship needs/values? And are these needs reflected in your behaviors?
I have spent a lot of time in therapy and working on myself. I think needs and values in relationships are good to discuss as you get to know someone. My values are related to honesty, authenticity, and vulnerability.
In conversations with past partners, I have noticed that there is a discrepancy between their stated values and behaviors.
For instance, in one relationship it was fidelity/monogamy and some connected fears. I provided a lot of reassurances and he went out of his way to say he would never cheat. I found out too late he was unfaithful in a multitude of ways during our entire relationship. In another honesty was a major value, yet I caught him in multiple overt lies.
It’s quite demoralizing. I feel like it blindsides me and makes the let down exponentially worse.
What questions do you ask to better explore someone’s values in the world of OLD and getting to know someone.