People say it doesn’t matter, even after being in a good relationship people are depressed, I know there are cases like that, but I think I would become a bloomer if I get a girl who is loyal, caring and who truly loves me.
Not being able to make a gf, being socially awkward, getting called dork by girls has made me a doomer.
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You can get a GF ! But you need to stop putting girls on a pedestal and chasing relationships ! You have to genuinely connect with them in real life. You need to invite them to a real life activity or a face to face conversation. Ask how they are, their hobbies, interests goals, opinions, etc. Listen and pay attention to what they say. Share those things about yourself when asked. People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. The value you bring is a clear, unique, and convincing reason why people will interact with you, let alone do so constantly. So Find ways to add value to their lives. Having In person interactions is the easiest way to stand out from countless people who text or message. People remember and favor in person interactions because of the positive vibes. If your hobbies, skills, talents align with their interests or can help them, bring it up and offer to help them. Finally, learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with people on the side. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation and instead gravitate towards those who are self confident and well rounded in life. They want to see active confirmation of you actually doing something in your life other than just talking to them. So chase excellence, not people.
I would say therapy will help you get more confident and also educate yourself more. check this guy’s channel : [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5A4BDHz7yPI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5A4BDHz7yPI)
i used to feel the same about guys (imma girl). i thought having love and acceptance would be the push i needed to finally thrive and love myself. i got into my first relationship, after years of wishing, with a guy that i felt i had a genuine connection with. well after 9 months of serious dating, i found out he was flirting w girls on ig our entire relationship. he was a seemingly great bf despite his secretive behavior but it was never enough to make me the confident, happy person i wanted to be before i met him. there were even times in our relationship (before i knew he was being unfaithful) when i felt like i wished i would have solved my personal issues before i met him because i felt like i couldn’t be the gf i wanted to be because i was so stuck in my head.
i don’t say this to discourage you from finding love. i just wanted to give some perspective on what getting into a relationship in that headspace can be like. i think love can be beautiful and healing but that love will likely take time and practice to find. it also requires us to work on ourselves so we can be in a place to receive it when it finds us. i don’t regret my relationship because i learned a lot about myself. before, i wanted to love myself but i had no idea on how to do that. after being heavily disrespected, i learned that loving yourself is not just about telling yourself how amazing or beautiful you are. it’s about trusting yourself to know when something is wrong, valuing your needs and desires enough to know when to say enough is enough, and just respecting yourself. i may have never learned that if it weren’t for this relationship or it could have taken me way longer to learn. maybe getting into a relationship will be beneficial to you and teach you important lessons on how to be the person you want to be too. just know it might not be that healing thing you’re hoping for right now. good luck!
> but I think I would become a bloomer if I get a girl who is loyal, caring and who truly loves me
a girl won’t “fix” you
Im 17 so what do ik about life but i am a very deep thinker and I think if you chace personality over sex and find someone who also is for personality you will be happy till the day you die. I see so many people just want to be in a relationship because they are afraid of being alone and then wonder why their marriage fails. Good things happen to those who are patient and take their time
You can’t just keep looking, they’ll find you. Worse case scenario, you go for men
The order is reverse my dude
The order is reverse my dude
patience. i promise
If you get a girlfriend now you will probably have as much self doubt and struggle in the relationship.
Work o your self esteem first so you can bring the best version of yourself to a relationship.
You can train social skills and how to be more approachable. There’s ways to make your appearance more of that “standard attractive”. These things can boost your confidence, which itself is a huge factor to meet people.
But you shouldn’t try to get a gf to fix you, a relationship should be a common source of joy and love, not a a job for her to fix you.
You can get a therapist to try to fix you.
I hope you do realize that only you can change yourself into a bloomer, pooper or whatever the fuck that is. By reading your post, it is pretty obvious that you have an issue of giving too much fuck about others opinions. Pick a hobby, enjoy life and love yourself, who knows, one day you will meet the one who turly loves you and share the same interest as you. Life is not a Disney movie where you wait for your perfect partner to come and pick you up out of your misery.
I don’t think you need a GF right now. You need a cheap therapist that can help you out bit by bit.
There are still people who say it’s your fault for not “loving yourself” (which is a motivational suggestion that does NOT work for everyone and does not even acknowledge the effects of emotional neglect, but it’s another story), but in reality your wants should not be invalidated, and it’s completely normal that the lack of affection and social support in general (family, friends and romantic partner), depending on its intensity, can negatively impact a person’s sense of self. I’ve experimented periods of total loneliness and periods of social and romantic support, I do still emphatise with you.
“The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation.”
-Bruce D. Perry
That said, I still encourage seeking therapy. It can only be a good thing, for yourself and for your future gf!
Won’t batman do?
A woman won’t fix you. The feeling that she will is just a hormonal fantasy. Your problems are your own and can’t be resolved by love. And what is there to love if you’re so down on everything anyway?
if you can’t love yourself how the hell you gonna love somebody else?
It’s truly as the other say. You have to change yourself a little: start to become more proud of even a small thing about yourself. It could be ur workout routine, your job… or even pick up something new you truly like and start to be consisten at it, you’ll gain confidence and distract yourself from the fact u’re “sad and gfless”, trust me. If you commiserate yourself no one, NO ONE will look at u in any other way.
Love yourself before anybody else, take pride in who you are as a person and think that even if you had a gf what would that really change?