So I started dating a man 3 weeks ago. We click very well, we’re very comfortable, everything seemed organic. Based on conversations we had, he seemed to be on the same page I was. That was my mistake was to assume. We ended up sleeping together after I communicated what sex meant to me, a very meaningful connection. I just found myself feeling uncomfortable because I never clarified I preferred to sleep with just one person. I wouldn’t mind him dating around if we were not having sex, but now that we have I want to just have sex with him and vice versa. I finally let it be known before we continue sleeping together for my peace. I simply asked if he was sleeping with other women and clarified I was not. I never demanded just asked. He said that was an intrusive question and what we do when apart is none of each other’s business and is irrelevant to our connection. I explained myself in a respectful way and he did a whole 360 like he was taking his statement back and apologized if he offended me and said he liked talking to people with different opinions so he could possibly learn. It’s still not clear to me what that means, even though he did clarify he wasn’t sleeping w anyone else. But to me it’s still a possibility and it makes me uncomfortable because that’s not my preference. How do I express this without conflict and I think I don’t want to date him anymore. Am I overreacting even though he said he wasn’t sleeping with anyone else?
13 comments
You guys aren’t compatible
Given his initial reaction, I wouldn’t believe a word he says.
It is 100% your business if he’s having sex with others purely as a health and safety concern if nothing else. His attitude of it being intrusive shows that he is untrustworthy and doesn’t actually believe you have a right to know anything, including things concerning your own safety. Throw the whole man away. Let him be someone else’s problem.
First things first, he did a 180. Sorry, that would have bothered me for minutes if I hadn’t said anything.
Second, and just as important, it’s on you that you didn’t clarify before hand. You don’t really have a right to be upset about that. Him not giving you a clear answer more than likely means he’s sleeping with other women. You have to make a decision on whether or nothing that’s an Italy a problem for you. If it is, tell him and end it. If not, wait and see what time does.
The reaction he gave is definetly weird… If that made you not want to date him anymore just be honest, say it and move on. If you still are interested ask him to be honest. By the reaction he gave you he probably is not being honest.
Also you are not overreacting at all if something doesnt sit right with you, it doesnt. You dont have to hold back any feelings or anything.
He’s not ready to be exclusive yet
He not tricking you he was honest about not looking for relationship you just a FWB.
Men are not vending machines when you put sex and get a relationship just like when you wine and dine a woman she doesn’t owe you sex. You have no claims on his time or anything else during the FWB period.
FWB are friendly Fuck Buddies that is all.
he’s using you for sex. That’s pretty much it.
When a girl told me she’s exclusive with me (after like the 5th date lol), she asked and I said, “yeah, I’m down for that, I like u.”
You could do better
He’s correct
It’s none of your business right now and he’s clearly not as smitten with you as you are with him so either keep seeing him or don’t.
He enjoys you but also enjoys others and does not want to be exclusive. I don’t get it, but it is what it is. Sorry.
If you’re having sex with someone, it actually is your business if he’s having sex with other people too, from a purely health standpoint, and even if you’re non-exclusive, because you need to know if he might pass something on to you, that he may have caught from one of his other partners. And vice-versa.
He doesn’t seem ready to go exclusive with you, and that’s an incompatibility because you do want to be mutually exclusive. This means his situation is a dealbreaker.
I think his reaction to you was pretty rude. You were doing the adult thing trying to establish boundaries around sex. That’s what your supposed to do. And then his double back with “I like to learn” is always a funny claim to me. It sounds to me like you really took the high road and put him in his place and he was kissing your ass when he realized he can’t bully you. And I believe he was trying to bully you because he wants to “have his cake and eat it too” and has something to hide. That’s a common tactic of a dishonest person when questioned. I think you can do better than this knob. You sound like a solid woman with a good emotional and moral foundation. You deserve someone who has that to offer as well.
I dont see any issue OP. I actually appreciate your dating preferences, I havent been able to find someone with those preferences.
If roles were reversed, ya i would be turned off and not want to date anymore.
I enjoy the monogamous 1 for 1 sleeping arrangement.
let me put it in way you can understand. he not ready to exclusive with you