(i’m a girl and so are my roommates)
I’ve had about 10 roommates (all have been random strangers) since I’ve been in college and no one has ever said anything so ridiculous before. i’ve gotten along with all of my roommates and have been told i’m a great roommate. i’m a pretty quiet person, have social anxiety and usually only say “hey” to my roommates unless they start a conversation with me.
i haven’t done anything to make her scared of me. unless she considers me staying in my room and not talking is scary. she never talks to me and i don’t talk to her.
Before she said she was scared of me she was peaking through the window to see if i was in the house before she opened the door. then she tells her boyfriend “i’m scared of her. i fear her”. her boyfriend then says “did you lock the door.” so that’s kinda making me think she was talking about someone else but i doubt it because why would a random person come into our house. (i watch some of the videos every now and then so that’s how i knew she said this.) i feel so damn embarrassed right now. i’m an awkward person but i don’t talk to her or see her ever so not sure how i’m scary. idk why she’d say this.
I guess i’m not looking for advice on this. but i just wanted to tell someone. i don’t even know how i’m going to go around her now because i feel awkward af. most likely she was talking about me because only 3 of us live here. it’s me, her and her best friend.
edit: actually yeah i am looking for advice.
15 comments
You mentioned in your post that you’re not looking for advice, so feel free to disregard this, but not everyone is cool with a silent roommate.
Honestly, the topic of quiet people in common spaces comes up a lot on this subreddit, be it roommates, co-workers, classmates, etc.
Some people find the silence awkward. Since they don’t know much about the quiet person, that person can feel like a stranger. Her fear of you may just be a fear of unknown, and once she knows you a little better it will go away. Granted, this is speculation, she might have another reason for it, but that would be my guess.
Either way, *definitely* don’t mention to her that you were listening to her on the ring doorbell, that would likely only aggravate her fears.
Maybe that roommate was going to do something weird at that time. And she didn’t want anyone finding out.
Do you always watch the ring footage? is that a thing people do? the fact that you’re stressing about a conversation that was held in assumed private might be something to look into- do you feel like you know more info on them than you think they realize? or is this a one off random occurrence? i’m not being facetious- i don’t have a ring cam, so I don’t know how regular this is in ring cam culture
​
otherwise you might be internalizing something that might not be about you. i know you said you don’t want advice- i do this often, so i feel for you. one big thing that really makes someone awkward is the uncertainty that surrounds them. which usually goes away the more you know them. if you cant think of any reason for her to say that, maybe the problem lies with her being dramatic or something.
you will probably feel more comfortable if you don’t judge yourself as awkward. if you want to change that maybe you could share yourself a little more. as in your personality and who you are.
i bet you’reprobably a cool person
Just a general note: please always post your own gender in threads like this.
Her saying she’s scared of you can mean *very* different things if you’re male vs if you’re female.
Sometimes people say stuff like that to make life more interesting.
I once worked on a floor of an office building that didn’t have many people on it. I was talking to someone who worked on another floor and he said ‘Oh, you work on the fifth floor? I’m scared of there. Like, maybe some murders have happened up there’.
It was literally a plain office space with slightly fewer people than the other floors.
Maybe to take it from another angle, she might be intimated by you or worried that your roommate might like you. It can sound ridiculous, but you never know what people think.
lots of people are intimidated by quiet people cause you can’t tell what they’re thinking, and some people assume quiet people don’t like them because they don’t talk to them.
a few of my friends originally thought i didn’t like them when we first met
or maybe you have a resting bitch face idk
It may be best to act like she didnt say it. Unless she said it to your face, she didnt mean for you to hear it. She could have said it dishonestly to seem cool in front of her bf, or to disparage you to feel better about herself, etc.
[removed]
people who have Ring doorbells scare me too
She might be afraid of you because she doesn’t know anybody who is quiet. That’s ok but living with someone who makes you afraid/is afraid of you isn’t.
Talk to her. Trying to communicate with someone with whom you are in conflict is almost always the place to start.
Sometimes that’s not an option or you need a mediator. Go to the dean and ask for help. Doing nothing can set you up for trouble. 🌼Good luck!
I have a similar problem because I really don’t feel like talking most of the time so I leave notes for the people who work under me so they don’t think I’m ignoring them
I think it’s a stretch to even say she’s talking about you with that limited snippet?
She could just be attention seeking, trying get her boyfriend to stay over/hang out more, have an excuse to tag along with him more. If her behavior is mostly when he is expected to be around, I wouldn’t be surprised. Someone who is afraid generally doesn’t leave their windows open.
Focus on you, make yourself happy. It’s not like you’re about to hurt her or anything and if you thought she was going to attempt to hurt you then you should be seeking help from the appropriate authorities. Seeing you be happy might just make her mad. It might put her at ease. You don’t need to go out of your way to make her feel comfortable, it’s nice but you aren’t obligated.
I’m not so convinced that your quietness is what is scaring her. If it was that, she wouldn’t be so standoffish when you talk to her (which you say you usually initiate) and only reply with “hey”. More info is needed to get an idea of what it is about you that scares her. People used to be scared of me when I was in middle school and was a “rocker girl” (this was 2006 lol). Now sometimes people are scared of me because they find me intimidating. I’m tall and I have a strong/confident personality. Could it be anything like that? Is there a race difference between you two?