I’ve(40f) been with my partner(47m) for 10 years. I like sex but not very often. I still love him but he doesn’t think it’s enough.
Basically, how often do most couples have sex when they’ve been together 10 years? He wants it every day, more than once if possible. I’m good with a couple times a week.
15 comments
Nobody can give an answer to your question because there are à lot of factors to take into account, the main one being that every couple is different.
What I can tell you is that it sounds like you and your husband never had the same wants when it comes to how often you want sex.
I only see 3 options :
– couples counselling.
– finding other ways for your husband to meet his sexual needs (open relationship for example).
– à divorce.
Do you feel pressure to have sex with him ?
Do you have kids ?
Could try role play. You’d have fun too
How long you’ve been together isn’t important at all in this situation. What other people are doing is also irrelevant.
You two just need to sit down and try to find a solution that works for you. Can he masturbate more? Maybe he can get some toys to make it more fun for him? Would you like to give him handjobs when you’re not in the mood for sex? If so, would he like it? Is opening the relationship something you’re interested in? Etc.
Also, keep in mind that you shouldn’t have sex you don’t want. That’ll just make you want sex even less.
I would say 1-2 times per week. I’m like your husband in age and want. I say every day and possible more but realistically 1-2 times/week would be good and satisfying… IF there is desire, lustful playing, etc from both of you and not always just a quickie to get it over with.
If 1 week is less sexy time then make sure to make the next week a little extra. It shouldn’t feel like a chore or burden because you cant mask/hide those feelings. Thats the desire part. If you/him dont have the desire and its a forced love, resentment will set in. Well thats just my thought and opinion.
Did you have a higher sex drive in the past?
If so, look into DHEA deficiency. A good portion of your sex drive is completely out of your control. If you have a DHEA deficiency, not only will supplementation improve libido, your general sense of well-being and energy level will improve.
As for the answer to your question, sex frequency isn’t a good metric. The amount of time per week is better but still isn’t great. The reason this is in general a bad metric is that there are far too many ways to play. Days per week and time per session can mean wildly different things couple to couple.
Have you explored him getting himself off with you in the room but not actively using your body for pleasure? For example, getting naked and talking dirty while he jerks off?
This is a hard one.
I’ve been with my husband for almost 13 years. I’ve always had issues so sex is very painful for me.
Even though we don’t have it all the time like we used to, I still help him out whenever he wants (more often than not I ak the first one to rub up on him and get him riled up lol). People don’t NEED sex to get them off…. There are plenty of other ways to satisfy your partner that doesn’t involve going all the way. Bjs, toys etc! Just have fun with it!
ETA- no one should be getting angry that they’re not getting off every single day. Your husband has a hand correct? He can learn how to use it. If you want to be involved, do it! Watch some sexy movies or whatever. Sex isn’t the most important thing in a relationship and your partner needs to understand that!
There is no universal good amount of sex. It depends on specific people. What is important is compatibility which your marriage is lacking. You and your husband have different libidos and this causes the problem. Try to find a middle ground. But don’t have sex if you don’t want to.
I’ve been married ten years and it’s about twice a week. I could probably have sex multiple times per day, but there isn’t enough time.
Married 10 years. 2-4 times a week
For us it’s quality over quantity. We plan a weekly stress-free date with foreplay that begins that morning and leads to amazing sex later. The anticipation is also great.
23 years, 3 kids, 5 times per week
Married 40 yrs. We vary. Sometimes 3-5 times a week. Sometimes once a month. Generally at least once a week. But in our 60s, the mind is willing, but the backache isn’t
I could never do more than a couple times a week. Idk how people do ever day
Your low sex drive is going to cause a problem sooner or later. 10 couples have sex OFTEN. Maybe your Husband just doesn’t turn you on and you just don’t know that🤷
I’m not trying to be uncouth here, but why don’t you want to have sex with your husband?
I feel like other peoples sex lives are irrelevant to your relationship. Or maybe I’m out of touch again?