We dated for five months from March 2022 to August 2022, and it was a long-distance relationship, and we never met. They broke up with me, and they hurt me a lot. Before, I talked to other people asking for advice about my relationship, and they all pretty much told me that it was abuse.
They actually messaged me a few days later after they broke up with me, and they actually gave me a second chance to prove myself. I screwed up, so they took it away, and they told me they were seeing someone else. They offered friendship, so I took it.
I was feeling jealous and a bit resentful about the way I felt they treated me, so one night I sent them hundreds of angry messages berating them for the ‘abuse’ I thought they put me through (this would be our last conversation). They said sorry, but I was looking for closure in a place that I couldn’t get (from them). I actually already brought up the abuse allegations to them right when they told me my second chance was gone, so this was a conversation we had before. I got so angry that I immediately ghosted them. I didn’t even say goodbye or explain my departure. Our last conversation was in November 2022, and we haven’t spoken to each other ever since.
I brought up our that last conversation because when I was looking back at our old conversations, I realized it was all my fault. I was annoying and frustrating to talk to and really unintelligent. I wouldn’t even have dated me, and now I know what caused my ex to treat me how they did. I bothered them about this ‘abuse’ and refused to let them move on, even though they gracefully apologized and even offered friendship.
I was so convinced that I was a victim that I didn’t realize how much I lost when they broke up with me and how I wasted their time. They were truly perfect, and I just want a second chance. Even when they gave me so many that I didn’t deserve.
After I ghosted them, I tried to delete everything about my ex, but I couldn’t bring myself to delete our Discord server that my ex made just for the two of us when we were dating. When we broke up the first time, they gave me the server, and they left it. I still have it. I couldn’t block them either or even close our DM. I simply made a new Discord account so I wouldn’t see their server or their profile.
I actually moved on fairly quickly after I ghosted them. I think in December I was feeling pretty okay. Pretty soon after, I considered myself completely over them…
…until maybe a month or two ago. I started thinking again about what could’ve happened if I had just been a better boyfriend. I logged back in to my old Discord account, and I saw something that shocked me.
My ex rejoined our Discord server, *and* they unblocked me about a month ago (about five months since I ghosted them). All this time, I thought they completely forgot about me right after I ghosted them. I don’t think they considered our relationship important at all, so I thought they just forgot about me. They haven’t sent me anything ever since. But to see that they rejoined the server and unblocked me just makes me think that they are still thinking about me in some way. And now I’m considering talking to them again.
Now, my question is… would I be hurting them if I messaged them again? On one hand, if they are really sorry about hurting me, I would think they would try to cut off all communication with me. But they did the exact opposite by rejoining the server + unblocking me. Also on one hand, they told me they were seeing someone else. But again, I still don’t understand why they would do what they did if they were still seeing someone else.
Would I be a bad person for messaging them again?
TLDR: I wrongly hated my ex for “abusing” me when they didn’t and now I realize how much I still love them. They told me they were seeing someone else, but one month ago they rejoined our Discord server they made for us and unblocked me on Discord too. Now I really want to message them, but would I be a bad person if I messaged them?