I have a dilemma.

25 comments

1. I would show the op report or the post-op visit showing no more swimmers. Just stop any nonsense/drama right from the get go. Don’t even bring up the 1-2% failure rate. By then she’ll either fess up or begin having a religious moment. My guess is the former.

2. There are, as you say, two options.

   Your vasectomy was not 100% successful.

   She is lying about either a pregnancy OR that you are the only one sh’e been with.

   Cheating is only one of three options here, but unfortunately it’s one that you need to deal with because it demands 80% of the attention.

   I suggest that you assume that you need to verify your vasectomy again. Because you should, so that you get closer to an answer.

3. Tell her immediately you had a vasectomy and ask her to go with you to your surgeon to be rechecked. Tell her you want her to help you confront the surgeon so you can sue. Watch her reaction carefully.

   It should be revealing, and if the surgeon f’d up, it’s the first move.

   BTW, don’t start committed relationships with women without telling them about your vasectomy and your choices about whether you want to eventually raise children. It’s unethical because any woman who knows they want a family shouldn’t be put in the position of falling in love with a guy who may not fit the bill.

   Good luck.

4. Yeah just walk up and show her the report. I had a vasectomy after my second daughter. My wife and I have had unprotected sex for 9 years (like 4 to 5 times per week) without any issues or concerns. You could be one of the unlucky 1%, but they are pretty good about testing to make sure before clearing you. You could just do another test to get an updated result as well if it comes to that.

5. I had a vasectomy 30 years ago. Unprotected sex since then. Yes it can fail, but RARE.

   Also, you still produce sperm, it just cannot get out.

   Sounds suspicious, but I’ve been wrong before. From here on I recommend caution. Yes, tell her you had a vasectomy. If she has the child get a DNA test. Do not sign anything, ANYTHING about the child. Do not say anything. Simply tell her and see where it goes. I recommend sending her email about this issue. If it’s real and NOT yours, a paper trail will help

6. Did she show you a pregnancy test or were you there when she took the test? It’s possible she may have heard that you had a vasectomy and has some doubt that its true so she’s testing you to see if you’ll fess up. I had a similar situation happen with 2 friends of mine that I set up. Girl ended up pregnant and I said if you tell him he’ll know that you cheated. She tried to deny cheating to me then I told her that her boyfriend was sterile. She didn’t believe me because I had never talked about it 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️why would I.. Well she went ahead and told her sterile boyfriend that she was pregnant and that it was his. He told her that he’s been sterile since birth and if this is true it’s a miracle and he wants to keep the baby. 🤣🤣🤣she got an abortion and they broke up. 🤣🤣🤣 Even crazier the guy she got pregnant by is my friend as well and they actually used a condom and she still got pregnant. This is really why she was so sure it was her boyfriends and why she thought I was lying…🤣🤣🤣

7. The new procedures for a vasectomy rarely fail if you are tested and certified. Normal “failures” are when you don’t wait long enough to be certified.

   Mine vasectomy; they closed the vas, cauterized the ends, folded them I’ve and clapped each one with a stainless clamp. The chances of two clamps slipping off, the ends meeting and healing with little or no scar tissue, that would enable a pregnancy is so eff’n remote.

   You probably should have told her you were snipped before you had sex.

   But, in my case if someone gets pregnant, they cheated or God got them pregnant, not me.

   I doubt she is pregnant by you. Time to tell her about the vasectomy.

8. After showing her your Op & Post-Op reports (yes, do that), if she still says you’re the father, ask her to get a non-invasive, paternity test. It’s a simple blood test (not amniocentesis), which is no risk to the fetus. So really no reason for her to object.

9. Thank god paternity tests exist.

10. First of all, timeline wise… when did you have unprotected sex to when she told you she was pregnant? Because it takes about 10 days until you can start measure the HCG-level which is what home-test does.

    Either way, I would tell her about the vasectomy and that the (presumable) at home-test she did must have been a false-positive, but offer to go with her to a doctor to be sure.

11. When was “last time”? Should help with timeline maybe

12. Don’t say anything for the moment and see how this progresses. Youl get a good idea of the person she is if she keeps blaming pregnancy on you. You could for your own peace of mind get retested. But the don’t fail very often. I had mine 37 years ago. Lots of unprotected sex with my wife no issues.

13. Unfortunately, the most likely scenario is that she cheated on you; vasectomies can fail but it’s extremely rare.

14. Show her the paperwork, not your kid Broski. At least it’s extremely unlikely. Snip and sealed is quite effective.

15. Story time: I got my vasectomy a few years ago, and within the first year post-op, my wife’s period was late and we had a pregnancy scare. Like you, I immediately thought she must’ve cheated since I am sterile. She insisted she hadn’t, and that my vasectomy must’ve failed. I had taken the post-op instructions very seriously and got both of my post-op checks, and was cleared by my doctor.

    I called the clinic that did my snip and asked them about getting a third test. They said that they’re happy to take my money for a third check, but that if I passed both checks, the likelihood of failure is so minute that they consider these patients permanently sterile. The chance is significantly closer to 0% than 1%.

    So, OP: did you get both of your post-op sperm checks?

    Spoiler alert: she hadn’t cheated and my vasectomy hadn’t failed, her period was just a bit late. Not pregnant.

16. I would get another test just to be sure; that way you walk into the conversation with no possibility of being wrong whatsoever.

17. Thank you to all who has replied in my post. I have been reading all of you and since this gain some traction, I’m going to say what I will do in here since rn i have no time to answer one by one.

    First some of you made the observation that I didn’t tell her, and that’s true, I’ll be more careful with that, since it was the first relationship after I got operated, I didn’t put 2 and 2 together. My b, not gonna happen again.

    Other people pointed out that if she only told me or did she show me a pregnancy test. She show me the test and was positive.

    And yes, I also find really weird that the only time that we didn’t use a condom, she got pregnant.

    So after reading all of you I’m going to tell her about the vasectomy and show her the documents and se how she reacts. If after that if she still insist that is mine, I’m going to ask her to go with me to the hospital to clear that and maybe do some test around it. And in there hopefully all will be resolved.

    I’ll update what happens in the course of the day.

18. Reddit chants “Maury Maury Maury”

19. I want to know what happens next

20. All right, fellow vasectomee here. Just gonna add one factoid about the failure rate, because I *really* don’t want kids and wanted to understand my odds.

    The failure rate for a vasectomy- that 1%- is almost entirely in the first three months and of that almost entirely of types of vasectomy that aren’t done that often any more. The reason they have you come in for a sterility test at ~3 months instead of two weeks later is not that it takes 3 months for you to shoot all the swimmers out. It’s that if the operation hasn’t failed and accidentally released swimmers by 3 months, it’s pretty much never going to. The 3 month test is *for* that 1% failure rate.

    I know you’ve got the deets from others and you’ve got a plan, so good on you, I just wanted to fill you in on the rough stats and why “1% failure” doesn’t mean you’ve currently got a chance in hell of getting someone pregnant.

21. There are also two other possibilities. She is lying about being pregnant. She believes it honestly, but got a false positive on the test.

22. Hi again I came back.

    Took me a little longer because I went to make another post-op check up. And fortunely the place that I go could do it today.

    Well, for anyone wondering, is not mine. When I show her the documents of the vasectomy and I ask her about some dates just to have a timeline clear, she just told me that she indeed cheated, but that she really thought that it was mine. We talked more just trying to make the timeline clear and indeed it all pointed that the other dude was the father.

    But, just for having my mind clear, I went to do the check ups and everything is fine and is working as it should.

    I think there’s no need to say it but I broke with her and even that I really didn’t like to be cheated on, I really wish her that everything goes well for her in the end.

    Thanks everyone for your opinions and for reading me.

23. Holy Fucking Shit. You are the luckiest MFr alive. Congratulations on having the foresight to get that done.

24. Not only did she cheat on you but she also tried to pass the baby off as yours. You are best off without her.

25. OP, I want to applaud you for being so decent about this situation and looking for ways to discuss with her that the chance of her cheating was 98%.

    My personal opinion is, you do not have to disclose that you’ve had a vasectomy unless your looking to take your relationship further (see a future with your partner). It’s only then, should you feel the need to disclose your medical procedure.

    I say this because of the exact situation you found yourself in. If you tell them beforehand (they cheat) they will not offer the information that they’re pregnant -> have cheated. I think for your own safety, it’s okay to refrain from disclosure until you know you want to be with them long term.

    The reason I feel this way is because my dad had a couple friends who also had vasectomies done after their divorce (and three kids) and multiple women told them (your same situation almost to a T) that they were pregnant with their kids, in an attempt to manipulate them into marriage after dating/being together for less than a year.

    I’m not saying #allwomen, but it is a pretty easy and near sure fire way to find out if you have been cheated on.

    Also, whenever cheating is suspected, please get an STI/STD test done before confrontation. I’ve dated cheaters and they will do anything to convince you…

    1. Not to use a condom
    2. Not to get tested
    3. Not to believe when people say they’ve bore witness to their adultery
    4. That you’re crazy for even suspecting they would when you have all the evidence in the world.