i (27) can’t get my boyfriend (32) to have sex with me. he used to fuck me all the time, multiple times a day/night, whenever and however he wanted to, he’d get hard just walking down the street next to me. but all of a sudden it’s like our sex life (and his attraction to me) has dropped off the face of the earth … it’s been nearly half a year that he only has sex with me every few weeks to a month.
i’ve tried talking about it, telling him what i want him to do to me, asking him what i can do to turn him on, etc. he responds either by getting angry and yelling at me, or brushing it aside by saying, “i am attracted to you, i do want to fuck you, we’re working on it, don’t worry we’ll have sex, etc” .. but nothing changes.
i’ve tried initiating, e.g. the other night he came over after work, we got in the shower, made out pressed up against him for almost 15min and he didn’t want to go any further, didn’t get hard, so we stopped and went about actually showering.
i’ve tried backing off completely to not stress him out/nag him etc.
i am at a loss, i don’t know what to do, and i just want to get dicked down.
any advice ?
7 comments
Sounds like it could be either depression or he has too many things on his mind that he’s worried about.
Other possibilities without knowing everything; does he want to be with you anymore? Is he still attracted to you? Does he have ED? Could he be cheating?
Depression or stress most likely. It probably also isn’t really related to you at all.
Libido problems can be caused by loads of things. Hormone imbalances and stress are big ones. When he says “we’re working on it”, what does he mean? Is he actually doing anything to address the issue? Lost libido (long term not short term) usually only comes back if the person who’s lost it actually works to get it back (and even then it’s far from guaranteed)
Is he possibly taking drugs or medication that could be impacting his libido? Depression and unfortunately depression medication can cause lack of sex drive as well as beta blockers. Also opiates cause a big drop in libido. Have you noticed anything else about him that is different?
Could you suggest that he has his hormones tested, perhaps his testosterone levels are low?
It’s too bad its such a sensitive topic – it could be emasculating for him to feel he’s not meeting your needs sexually, making him quick to anger when the topic is brought up. And for you, it must be taking a toll on your self esteem to not feel desired. I hate to say it, but aside from depression and hormone issues, my next instinct would be cheating..
If he refuses to actually work on it and only makes you feel bad for bringing it up, I would suggest an open relationship so that you can get your sexual needs met elsewhere. If he’s not into that idea, hopefully it would make him realize how important this is and that he needs to get his ass in gear! Good luck!
Maybe he has an STD and doesn’t want to tell you.
For some reason no one’s said it but, the first thing here is that he shouldn’t be yelling at you. It’s ok to be upset. It’s ok to need some time and space. But it’s not ok for him to yell at you. IMO you need to talk to him about that and if he can’t communicate with you like a mature adult, end the relationship.
That out the way, or rather subtracting that comment out, this just reads like lower libido. Not “something is wrong” low libido. Just.. lower libido. The fact that he was into sex more often earlier is interesting but perhaps that was simply due to the relationship being newer at the time. That seems to happen.
So it doesn’t seem to me like it’s a hormonal issue and you haven’t mentioned any context that suggests he’s going through immense stress. My question then would be: does he watch porn? If not, I’d really be inclined to think he just has a lower libido than you. If he does, and does so frequently, then I’d be inclined to think it’s something else worth exploring.