The single mother you are dating essentially say “I’ll alway prioritise my child before our relationship.” What’s your reaction?

34 comments

1. Good. That’s what she should say. Why the hell should she prioritize you over her child?

2. If I was in such a hypothetical, I would expect that should be the norm for a single mother.

3. I respect her priorities. She absolutely should feel that way. She should respect mine. I’m not interested in raising another mans child.

4. That’s a good mom. If that’s an issue for anyone, that’s fine but they’re better off not dating people with kids. Anyone who would put their boyfriend or girlfriend over their child is a bad parent.

5. My reaction? I won’t date mothers with *young* children. The older the children, the more independent they are. Ideally, so independent they have their own places!

6. As long as she doesn’t have any problem with me doing the exact same with my child, I’m fine with this.

   I don’t have a problem with prioritizing children, I have a problem with double standard…I’ve been there and it didn’t last.

7. That’s what she told me, and I said good. Because I will prioritize my child before her. The fact that we both have this mindset is one of many reasons we get along so swimmingly.

8. My reaction is that that is to be expected and supported. My now wife had a 1 year old when we started seeing each other and I told her he should be the priority and I would never fault her for it. Now he is my 13 year old step son and we have 2 of our own.

9. I’m fine with that.

   Though, if she expects me to stay in the relationship, we better have a serious talk about boundaries. If we are together, then it goes without saying that we are a team in all things. That includes her priority of raising her child. I get it.

   So she needs to set the boundaries with what is acceptable regarding my interaction, or level of also raising her child. It’s a rough line to follow, and is rarely successful. Especially when the kids dad is still in the picture. Little bastards like to play one parent against the other. In that case, really, there is no room for me.

   In those cases, I walk away. Not because I don’t care for her or the child, but because that is an unhealthy situation for all involved. Until she sets the priorities, boundaries, etc. not just with me, but her kid and her ex, the relationship is doomed.

   So yeah, dating a single mom is possible, and she should prioritize her kid. But that is a lot of work. If she isn’t willing to put in that work, then may be she shouldn’t have a child. And more significantly, I should not be expected to deal with the never ending BS that will come with it.

10. Not interested in playing 2nd fiddle to anyone in my relationship. Respect the choice but no for me. The use of the word “always” is also very subjective because dynamics change as the child grows plus the relationship itself. For instance, if she has a “manipulative” kid who uses tactics to sabotage our relationship, am I expected to accept that her kid is top priority? Am I expected to understand and rug sweep disrespectful behaviour towards myself? What does this word actually mean in this context? If we live together and her contributions are waning because the kid has to have the latest gadgets, new stuff at all times, am I expected to cover all our expenses because if I complain then I *don’t want her to prioritize her child*? I don’t think so.

11. Fair. Nothing wrong with prioritys but if u cant maintain a standard into a relationship and i am not seeing any effort im going to move on.

12. What you said sounds logical from a male standpoint… But the reality of what this means from women is different. Think in terms of “who comes first.”. This doesn’t mean that you two are putting the children first before yourselves. What she is likely telling you in a nicer way is that you need to accept that her kid comes first, she comes second… The pets come third…. And you get what is left.

    50/50 shot that she means it in the way you interpret it. She could also be telling you ahead of time so that when you try to upset that order by expecting yourself to be considered…. She can invalidate your expectations by straw-manning it into a you vs the child argument.

    Both of those types of women are out there.

13. I feel the same about single fathers. If they prioritize their children over their new girlfriend, that’s a huge positive in my book

14. She’s a single mother that’s what she’s supposed to do. No matter how close you get her kids will always be more important than you. You guys can be getting along great but if her child says they don’t feel safe around you you’re gone. Again it’s totally understandable on her end. If you date a single parent that’s something you need to realize

15. If you signed up for that relationship, knowing she had a child, I’d say that’s a very normal and healthy thing to say. You would be a bad parent if you’d think otherwise.

16. Why the heck do you guys date single moms if you don’t have your own kids?

17. If she doesn’t prioritise her kids over me, it’s a red flag.

18. Not interested….

    Life is about balance. If she cannot commit to making time and spending energy on our relationship, then it is going to be a pass from me.

    I get that your child is a priority. Of course they are. But you have to do more than one thing in life and I am not going to be second fiddle to your child. Also, the child will eventually grow up and leave (if you raise an independent human being as you should be) and once that child leaves…there would likely be a big void of emptiness if you put no effort into your relationship .

19. Kids come first. Work together.

20. Well as a kid of a mother that had the same priorities, I get it. But also, that mother will always have a hard time with relationships because they require equality in priority.

    My mom is now in her 60s and can’t seem to get that sometimes you have to give a little to get a little in a relationship. She will always be alone because of this.

21. I wouldn’t date a single mother to start with tbh.

22. As a person with no kids that has dated a single mother, good. Fuck else is she going to do? I don’t want her to prioritize me over her children

23. Why would you want to marry someone if you and her werent going to be each others #1 ?

    I wouldnt.

24. I’m going to go against the crowd here. As a mother, it is assumed that she will prioritise her child before her boyfriend. But if she explicitly states that, without provocation, there may be some intent behind it. I don’t see that intent being benevolent.

    Not necessarily, but she might use her child as an excuse to not to invest in you/take care of you/ treat you well while expecting you to do these things.

25. I’d say “That’s ok because I’ll always prioritize not having a child over a relationship.”

26. Great but I’m not dating you, I don’t date single mothers under any circumstances.

27. It’s a double edge knife but from a different point of you. This kind of behaviour is not always good for the kids themselves,and I’m explaining. My mother was divorced and raised me up on her own with many sacrifices. She had many chances to match with genuinely nice guys, but she had always that approach :my kid before anyone, I don’t have time for others. Personally, I wanted her to find someone and not to be alone, as I was growing up inevitablly I would have my life too. What happened though, is that she “sacrificed” her own happiness in order I to be her priority, and later would fuck my mentality with guilt anytime I wanted to go out and have fun with my friends like all teenagers. Believe me, it’s tough for kids to have such a mother. To neglect your kid in order to go out with some chap for drinks and have sex might seems immoral, but to close yourself in a prison and try to keep that kid with you too is equally fucked up and really shows mental issues.
    So, no. If I hear some mother to shout out loud that her kids and only matter in her life, I’ll run away.

28. She should always put her children first. But it’s also the main reason I never dated single mothers. Why bother with that when you can find a woman without kids and you can put each other first.

29. I’d expect nothing less, which is why I wouldn’t date her in the first place.

30. I’d end it then and there. Being an adult is busy enough, I wouldn’t have time to contend with someone else.

31. I went out with a woman once who said that and at the end of dinner she ordered to go for her children because she said, “I feel guilty eating out and not getting my kids something too”

    I was like cool. Separate checks please.

    The look on her face 🙁

32. “I would hope so”

33. That is what a parent is supposed to do.

34. I’d fucking hope so. If your child isn’t your top priority, you need new priorities.