I have very strong genes that cause mental health disorders that I can trace back at least 4 generations. It wouldn’t be fair to the child to grow up with this disorder and it would be a huge burden on my future wife to raise them. Due to this I would like to get a vasectomy to prevent this from ever happening. I am concerned that many women would be turned off by the fact that I can’t have kids of my own. I am perfectly happy to adopt or even let my wife have a sperm donation I just don’t want any of our kids to have my DNA. How big of a problem will this be in my future dating and relationship life?
TLDR; I Want to get a vasectomy and I’m afraid it will scare off women even though I am open to kids via adoption and sperm donation.
4 comments
I have a family history of mental illness as well and I’ve definitely considered this. Needless to say, I’d be very open to it if you came right out and said it. (As opposed to communicating you had a vasectomy outright and keeping the mental health issues to yourself until later on.)
Do you actively want to adopt? If you’re indifferent about having kids, the fact that you had a vasectomy is a positive thing for women who don’t want kids.
If you’re willing to use a sperm donor or adopt, I don’t see why any woman would have a problem with it. She can still get pregnant and carry a baby if she wants to. Or not get pregnant and still have kids if you guys are eligible to adopt. The vasectomy will affect you, not her.
Have you spoken to a doctor about your chances of passing these mental health disorders on? Many mental health issues that run in families are actually environmental, not genetic.
Ideally, I would want to have a biological baby with my partner. To recognize your smile, nose, or eyes in our kid, along with some of my own features. We all have our individual family medical history (especially now that we increasingly die of age related diseases), including the potential donor. I think other women can relate to this.
In this case, wanting a biological baby with you would hurt both the baby and yourself. All for superficial reasons. People often say that the most important thing about having a child is that it is healthy. You are making sure of that within your capabilities while supporting your partner in becoming a mother. I and in my opinion, any good woman will respect that and realise how great a dad this will make you.