How do you struggle with hardly any friends as you get older?

13 comments

1. Same boat but just about 10 years older. My close friends moved away. I don’t hang out with coworkers. Starting to get involved in local activities like D&D nights, fantasy leagues and stuff like that. It helps. It’s tougher as you get older. I remember making friends because you saw other kids playing and walked over and asked if you could hang out.

2. Born alone, die alone.

3. I have no friends other than my wife and that’s exactly how I want it. Almost all humans are awful, why would I want more of that in my life?

4. I’m used to it, I’ve always been an outsider and I always will be.

5. Yea going from school to uni did that to me. At school I had a group of friends that I would trust better than my family and I had a healthy relationship with almost everyone close to my age. As we graduated and everyone went to a different country I found myself unable to recreate the same energy in uni. Sure I made another bunch if close friends but its harder to maintain connection especially when every semester you take a different course and only see each other a couple of times a week. I think OP’s problem is the so called NPC behaviour where you only speak to people when they talk to you. You should make more effort to make friends if you really want that. Don’t be afraid of walking up to them and making small talk no matter what that may be. You can probably read to the mood if they don’t want to talk to you so just try to end it quick and continue with life.

6. I’m a 22yo male and I kind of have a similiar problem. My only friend is my ex-girlfriend and we have a fwb relationship I guess. We do live our lives like we were still in a serious relationship but we just feel like it’s better to not ‘categorize’ (don’t know if I spelled that right) our relationship or whatever. That being said I find it really difficult to see my old friends because they’re all junkies and I’m in recovery and doing A LOT better than I was like a year ago so I don’t have anything in common with them anymore. But at the same time it feels like I don’t really have anything in common with anyone else. It feels sad that I’m only 22 and I don’t go out almost ever. I go to work 3 days a week and on my free time I see my friend/ex gf and other than that I just play video games and go for long walks. I don’t feel like getting to know new people because I’m afraid of letting anyone close because they could hurt me. I do enjoy being by myself but I’m also very lonely sometimes. It’s also been very tough to slowly realize that almost all of my so called friends that I’ve hung out with for years never even cared about me, they just wanted someone to drink and take drugs with. I was loyal to them but they weren’t loyal to me. When I do go out most people just annoy me with their presence, I don’t know why but maybe I’m just subconsiously jealous of other people who actually belong somewhere and have fullfilling lives. Or even one friend who they have a good connection with. I am REALLY grateful for the one great friend/ex gf that I have because I realize some people have no one but I still feel lonely because I have pretty much zero other guys as a friend/friends. I did have one from my teen years who I kept in contact with but he is in prison atm. And I don’t know if I can even keep hanging out with him when he gets out because it’s possible he will continue using drugs when he gets out. Wow this really turned into a paragraph of whining… Sry about that.
   But yeah I don’t know how to help you with this problem because I can’t even help myself.

7. I only have 2 friends from childhood we still get together once or twice a year. But no one near me I’m introverted so I like it this way ….less problems, less drama.

8. I’m 37 and I would consider myself to have a lot of friends but we rarely hang out.

   We all have families to care for and when you work 40 hours a week you realize how tired you are every day and just want to relax.

   With that said, I have an active gaming community I play Srar Citizen with and recently I’ve joined a xouple community clubs.

   I play Go with some people in my area at a Dennys once a week and joined a rock and gem club near me.

   I’ve met plenty of guys at the rock and gem club I get along with and found out one of them is the father to one of my daughters friends.

   If you found friends to spend time with, what would you do? Watch shows? Play video games? Drink and smoke? That stuff gets old.

   The trouble with being an adult man is that you either do something productive or you do something self destructive.

   Do what you love and find people there doing the same thing. Talk about your mutual interests and let conversations flow.

9. >”friends” by proximity when in school, the military, work, hobbies etc but they always end up fading

   Thats just par for the course as you get older. A lot of my best friends had kids early. When that happens, they drop odd the social scene almost entirely.

   >I don’t know why I have such a hard time. I always feel like I bother people when I reach out too so I don’t any more, I wait for people to speak to me first which I know is unhealthy

   So you have to have something to connect over, like a shared interest. Find some groups related to your hobbies.

   As far as reaching out, I had that same hangup before too. Now I just ask, and let them tell me no. Most people definitely get back to me and try to work something out.

10. yeah, once you’re out of school, it gets tougher to make friends. You just gotta be proactive. Find some social hobbies that get you around a bunch of new people, and be the one who organizes hangouts outside of the activity. Go for drinks after, invite people over to watch a movie/whatever it is you enjoy. It’s a lot like dating, you just gotta get the fuck out there and make and keep friends. Nobody is gonna do it for you.

11. Pets. Get an activity group for a friendly atmosphere at times

12. People have families, move away, and just in general people are alway to busy so they rather just check people on social media than grab a coffee and chat for an hour.

13. You can make better friends online. In my case, gaming community. Specifically speedrunning. Been meeting friends from all around the world since about 2016. As a group, we’ve all met up multiple times over the years.