We’ve been dating for about 6 weeks and have had sex a couple of times recently. I enjoyed my time with her very much and she seems be enjoying our time together, too.

Last time we had sex, the first I was actually watching her body since the first few times it was darker, when I took off her undies I said “your [privates] is fucking perfect” and was very much about to go to town on it but she crossed her legs and made a hurt/sad (?) facial expression. I asked what was up and she said nothing, I told her I wanted to give her oral and she denied with her head. I said “so, you don’t want oral?” and she said “no”, even though she had enjoyed oral in previous encounters.

So yeah, there was no oral, we just cuddled for a while until she felt like continuing and had a good time otherwise.

Yesterday we were on a date, having ice cream on a park, relatively isolated from other people, and I asked her if had done something that bothered her last time we were intimate, she said no. So I asked “and about that comment I made… how did that make you feel?”, and she said it was nothing. Then we went back to my place, made love and I didn’t make any comments about her genitals and it was seemingly all good.

So, since I didn’t want to push since she clearly didn’t want to talk about it, I don’t know if she was offended, thought I was mocking her, nobody had ever mentioned her privates like that and was confused, if an ex said something hurtful about it, or what.

What could have possibly led her to react like that and why isn’t she being more clear about it?

**tl;dr:** Girl I’m dating had an unusual reaction when I undressed her and told her her genitals where perfect, then rejected receiving oral and stopped having sex for a few minutes. Tried to ask her about it later and she said it was “nothing”, even though it clearly wasn’t. Why is she acting like this?

10 comments

  2. She’s the only one who will have a real answer for you but there isn’t much you can do if she won’t be open about it. I would back off of it for now and not make those kinds of comments again. Maybe when you’ve been together longer, she will feel more comfortable opening up about it.

  3. Maybe she things her pussy looks weird? The only one who can tel lyou is her, and for whatever reason she wants to lie and say it was nothing.

  4. We cannot read her mind any better than you can.

    All you can do is take the note: The comment didn’t work for her.

    She might not be *able* to tell you why, but if you want to continue with her despite the lousy communication she displayed here, it would be reasonable to assume she has a preference for “lights off” and the like and not draw attention to her body with your words like that.

  5. No idea why she’s weird about it. It makes her uncomfortable that’s the take away. So don’t do that. Leave it be and on a later date when you are more comfortable with eachother ask her.

  6. If she’s insecure about it, then *any* reminder that you (or anyone else, really) are looking at it and making judgments is going to be upsetting, even if those judgments are positive. That would also make it difficult for her to discuss, because admitting an insecurity is very vulnerable. I’m not sure there’s anything you can specifically do at this point to reassure her if that’s the case without triggering the same reaction, but just realizing that this may be the case might help you navigate this in the future, especially if she eventually feels comfortable enough to discuss it.

  8. I think it’s a bit off-putting to complement someone on an unchangeable body part or feature; if it’s a hair style, clothing, make up, anything that they have control over and can change go ahead and complement, but anything else it’s just like “um thanks, I was born with it?” Maybe she felt objectified and reduced to just her genitals. But that’s all speculation and you won’t know unless she tells you.

  9. A lot of women are self-conscious about what they look like down there. I would just drop it.

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