My now ex[24M] and I [26F] had been dating for 2 years. Right from the very beginning, it was serious for both of us. We are from India, so 26-27 is a decent age to get married.
He told me multiple times during the relationship that he wants a future. He can see us together 50 years down the line, and that I am the person who has taught him love, etc
This happened yesterday. At night, I casually asked him when we are getting married. My parents have already started talking of marriage so I felt it’s fair for me to have an idea.
A discussion followed, and he said-
1. He had not planned anything seriously yet.
2. It can take him more than 5 years.
I was hesitant at first, but today morning I said I can wait 5 years.
To my dismay, he said ” it can take him 8/ 10 years too. He doesn’t want to stop me from leaving ( I hadn’t even mentioned leaving) .”
And said” I deserve better”.
He told me he wants to give up on us as he has a career to make ( I don’t? )
What was my fault here?
Can somebody who loves you give up on you so easily?
I had always trusted this person. He is someone who had told me that he is gonna be there forever.
How can he give up in just a span of 10-11 hours without taking time to think?
TL;DR he left so suddenly.
6 comments
Sounds like maybe he wasn’t as in love with you as you were with him. And he wasn’t as in love as he always told you. It’s sucks that he tricked you for so long but it’s better to know now then spend another day wasting it on him
Did this conversation about your future happen as an in-person talk?
My guess would be that his turnaround is not as quick as it felt to you. Without talking to you about it, he was probably already questioning things or even considering breaking up. Sometimes people have a hard time voicing these feelings to their partner (especially if they’re feeling uncertain), so they just keep up the facade of wanting to be together forever. And then this conversation came up and he just decided to use it as an opportunity to act on what he’d been thinking. I don’t really think you did anything wrong, and I think it’s shitty that he didn’t really talk to you about how he was feeling at any point. Sorry you are going through this.
Move on, he isn’t the one for you.
Bait and switch.
I can see us together 50 years from now, I want a future with you.
Oh, wait, I need 5 years.
Oh, wait, I need 10 years!
Oh, wait, you deserve better.
Move on.
When are people going to realize that words are easy to just throw out there? Sooo many posts where people explain, “But my significant other said this and that”. BECAUSE IT’S EASY. It’s easy to just say that in the moment to make you feel better. But the REALITY is that love is really a set of behaviors that you must actively DECIDE to do to make your partner feel loved and make sure the relationship is healthy, one day at a time. He clearly was not intelligent enough to realize this and so he took the easy way out of just saying these things to you without fully meaning them. Look at people’s BEHAVIOR. If the words and behavior are aligned, then great, you have an honest person. If they don’t, you have a dishonest person.