Posting this because my husband/ex husband is on here and I want to get outside unbiased opinions.
My husband and I had a lot of problems and had no idea how to navigate them. It ended with him leaving me, even though I wanted to work it out, he thought we were beyond any hope and left (and moved to his hometown) about 6 months ago. The same day he connected with someone he met online and let her know he left me. They started talking, I’m certain she had her eye on him long before, and ended up in a relationship. They met about a month after (they live a few states apart), slept together, told her he loved her, continued on for a couple months before he ended things with her.
He now realizes he wants to try again with me. I am more than willing to put in the work to make that happen and he claims he is as well. I am aware he will be talking to others and sleeping with them even, and I have not asked him not to because honestly I know my request wont make a difference. However, I find it very disrespectful and am questioning the entirety of the idea of us getting back together one day because he is choosing to remain friendly with that specific girl until we reunite, knowing how much it bothers me. His entire premise is “we aren’t even together right now.” His reason of getting back together later as opposed to now is because he wants to save money before moving (I live in the same state as this other girl, away from him). I fail to see if he is actually sure about me and our future but is just lagging due to finances, why he can’t make the sacrifice of not talking to this in the meantime, even if it is just social media interactions. Please tell me, am I being unreasonable?
6 comments
I don’t get it.
If you will give it a shot to make it work, why not be mutually exclusive for that attempt?
‘I am aware he will be talking to others and sleeping with them even, and I have not asked him not to because honestly I know my request wont make a difference.”
Why make him your first choice when you’re clearly his 3rd or 4th? Go date someone who actually wants you and divorce the man who is looking for a backup
So, um, he wants to have his cake and eat it too?
No can do. Please respect and love yourself enough to walk away from this train wreck of a “man.”
Wishing you the best.
Are you still legally married? This marriage or whatever you call it is dynamically odd. He needs to cut contact with the girl and others for reconciliation to work and you need to work on yourself as well with your issues. Furthermore, you both need to invest in Marriage Counseling and Individual Counseling “IF” you are trying to reconcile. Not moving back to you is a crappy excuse as if there is a will then there is a way. I am not trying to be brash but you both need to rip the band-aid off either way. Why did you both get married? Are you sure he did not meet the girl prior to him leaving? All of these need to be put out there for reconciliation to work.
Edit; He cheated previously and wants you to get over it? Take a look at this.
https://www.brides.com/the-one-way-to-know-your-marriage-will-survive-an-affair-1102868
People who work to mend a broken relationship need to be all in. It is incredibly hard on so many levels to rebuild a relationship where there is hurt and pain. Point if all of this is there is no way you can fix this if both if you aren’t putting 100% into this. It’s futile.
Sorry he is gaslighting you. He has been allowed to be a cake eater and he is dangling the carrot of R but doesn’t sound like he wants to do the work. Sorry but id suggest its time for you to move on. Good luck