i (22f) just moved to a new city a couple months ago and it has been an extremely lonely time. i’m not in school i just have a job and i really want to try and make friends but i always end up getting in my head and convincing myself they’ll never want to take time out of their day for me. like i know as adults we’re all busy as fuck and like i know me reaching out in the first place is just how you’re supposed to get over it and like i know it’ll get easier the more i do it but it just feels so overwhelming to think about where to even start i guess.
2 comments
Lord just leave your house.
I’m sorry I’m not trying to be a dick but 90% of the issues on this sub start with you guys not even leaving the house.
Find events to go to meet people and socialize- meetup.com; hobby groups (board games, hiking, join a tennis/golf/rock climbing team if you like sports). There are writing groups and book clubs, check out posters in a local library for events and find something you like and just go. If you don’t like it/feel awkward/think you mess up, you never have to go back and see those people again, then pick something else. Its true that it gets easier but the first step is going out and not giving up. Become a regular in a coffee shop and practice chatting with strangers- tough sometimes, but the mindset of “I can be friendly to this person for 5 minutes then never see them again” helped me. Who cares if they dislike you, after you walk away they will probably forget about you.
If you have trouble thinking of things to say, keep a list of convo topics or questions in your phone. Glance at it before talking to someone, or if the convo starts to die, steal a glance at your phone and ask a new question. Try to be subtle with this; its pretty common for people to glace at their phones for a bit when chatting in public. Just don’t rely on it too much, use it to jog your memory for things to say.
Even if you don’t make friends right away, start with small goals. Just make it a goal to interact with others in some way and it can improve your confidence over time.