Long story short. I have social anxiety. I have a decent amount of friends that I am close with, but sometimes I get the feeling that they don’t actually like me etc. but they do invite me to go out and Hang out sometimes.
However, with people like acquaintances and old friends from school – sometimes I will see them in person passing by, at a social event, and they will appear really happy to see me, even give me a hug, say something along the lines of “Omg we should hang out!” And “Omg message me let’s hang out!” But they are rarely the one to reach out first. The problem is, I really do want to hang out with them and keep the friendship/ social bond/ strengthen it, but I have anxiety about it.
Why is this? Are they saying those things just to make it not awkward? Does everyone just say those things even if they don’t mean it? Are they also shy, like me, about reaching out?
Personally if I don’t want to hang out with someone and I saw them at an event, I wouldn’t mention “omg message me” or tell them I want to hang out. I would be nice, and ask them how they are, but not go out of my way to tell them we should hang out. However, this is just me though.
For reference I am a 22 year old female if that is of any importance.
2 comments
This depends on the culture you’re from. Where I’m from, it’s partly a politeness thing to signal that they want you to arrange something, probably because they’re scared to. There’s also just the fact that, if it’s someone you need to “catch up with”, they probably forget after the fact, and by the time they remember they feel it’s too late. You do occasionally get folk doing it purely out of politeness, but their exaggerated tone etc is a key giveaway that it’s disingenuous (they’re also usually someone you’ve never been close to either, in my experience, so the sentiment is mutual).
Honestly, the best thing you can do is message them. I know it’s hard, I have social anxiety too, but what I try to think about the couple of times I’ve successfully done this is either
a) you get the meetup you want
Or
b) they prove to not be worth your worries
Also, being tipsy helps, lmao. Fortunately, I’ve only ever had response a), so it makes biting the bullet slightly easier. Keep in mind, with all relationships, people feel the same and you can’t expect them to message when you aren’t doing it yourself! Good luck out there 🙂
People are lazy and want someone else to do the planning