So this happened just hours ago: Me (F22) and my partner (M24) went on a peaceful walk on the beach with our dog. We brought the long leash for him so he could run a bit more freely. When it was time to put him back on his regular short leash I didn’t realize the clip of the leash didn’t click in all the way and before I could even react our dog walked away off leash. He didn’t run away from us he just thought we were going back to the car and walked off a bit but as soon as he heard us yelling he stopped and came back to me so I could put him on the leash.
I realized I messed up and I should’ve paid better attention but my husband is being incredibly nasty with me saying that he doesn’t know if he can ever trust me again with our dog, that he’s wondering if he could ever trust me with our future child. He texted me that he doesn’t know if he can be in a relationship with me and that I should go ruin somebody else’s life.
I know that I should’ve paid more attention and that something could have happened and I know I f-ed up but I don’t think he’s being reasonable.
So I genuinely don’t know if I he’s in the wrong or not?
TLDR: I let the dog off his leash on accident and now partner is saying terrible things, I don’t know if I deserve it or not
33 comments
He obviously cares very much about the dog, animals can literally be like children to some people (until you’ve had a kid and then you realize it’s not comparable.)
but the fact that he is telling you that he is considering throwing away the relationship because of a mistake would literally turn me off so badly and make me literally want to be the one to leave him lol what the fuck. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that please don’t let him make you feel like shit.
Divorce
That’s so over the top that the only explanation I would believe is that he’s either been looking for a reason to leave you and this is his reach or he’s trying to scare you so bad so you never make a mistake again which is manipulative and not a way you treat a partner.
Mistakes are going to happen you’re both going to make them if this is his reaction to a small little consequence-free mistake imagine what his reaction will be to something that is a bit more problematic, that’s what scares me about all this if this is the beginning of an escalation it could be very bad
Does he normally react this way to minute issues? This is an incredibly harmless mistake. “Go ruin someone else’s life”??? You missed the leash clip and your dog walked like ten feet without it. Dogs do just fine off-leash entirely at the beach all the time. If he thinks that this is an indication that you’d be a bad parent, that just tells me that he has no idea what parenting entails. Parents make small mistakes like this all the time, he would too.
This is such a massive overreaction to a tiny non-problem that it makes me wonder how he would ever handle a significant conflict. Does he often berate you over small things like this?
Girl…… Unclip that leash that he has on you and run. Don’t come back when he calls you. Just run.
He’s toxic. That’s abuse. Why stay?
My dog is actually my child to me, and that is a huge overreaction. This isn’t about the dog, he’s abusing you.
This made me so sad. Shit happens. Instead of having a conversation about hey, it’s great fido just came back, we are such good animal owners, your husband was a complete asshole and treated you like shit.
You were fine. Listen, I am 46 with two grown kids. What happened had no correlation with raising kids. At all. And I have to believe that your husband isn’t stupid enough to believe so either, which just means he is malicious and gas lighting you.
It’s ok, sometimes leashes don’t clasp right sometimes. You are ok, it doesn’t mean you are a bad person.
Keep the dog; dump the husband. He is overreacting in a major way.
I bet there’s other red flags you are missing.
yeah he is, especially if you acknowledged the situation and communicated it was an accident and not a result of irresponsible neglect; its not like you were wildin having fun completely unfocused and distracted….plus you’re 22, and hes 24…..its not like he doesnt make mistakes that could slippery slope to ‘untrustworthy parent in the future’
it might be worth asking if something happened for him to have such a reaction
I’m sorry, but what?! He sounds quite hysterical and immature. There are two options as for me: he might be ill, and should visit doctors, to get his hormones checked as well as his mental health. Or he is just an AH, and it’s time to rethink your marriage. Imagine if you will bump his car somewhere. Or (oh my goodness!!!!) will accidentally kick him during the night?!
You get ONE life, do you really wanna live it with someone like this.
This is an ABOLUTE BLESSING!!
If he will treat you like this, and immediately turn hyper abusive over something as inconsequential as this….you need to count your blessings and be done!!
What an astounding prick he is being!!
This isn’t about the leash or the dog, this is him wanting out of the relationship and is looking for anything to grasp to make you the bad guy. Or he could be crazy, total coin flip on this one. Just walk away.
You’ve gotta go sister, this is abusive behavior, after reading your update. Don’t raise or even have a child with this person. Talk with some friends and family about this situation, as well as him calling you b*tch.. and get out of there. You deserve better.
“I should go ruin someone else’s life.”
jesus that is extremely over the top
Yep way over the top
Some guys act like this when they have a side chick. They do it so they have a reason to leave for the night/week/month. It is a gaslighting technique. Ask me how i know!
If this is how he reacts to an accident where absolutely nothing bad happened, how is he going to react when you actually make a mistake that causes damage? This is an insane reaction and completely unacceptable.
>Is my partner (M24) overreacting over a mistake I (F22) made?
Yes, yes he is. He’s being incredibly mean and you and your dog deserve better.
Yes he overreacted and I’d almost bet my rent that he is looking for a reason to walk away.
Take him up on his offer and break up with him. Definitely don’t have kids.
Your husband is wildly over reacting. I think every dog owner has accidentally done this.
Hell no you don’t deserve that. What the hell.
I fucked up a few weeks ago, and lost something expensive and I was super stressed and upset about it. My ADHD fucks me up all the time, but usually little things. This one was big (to me). My husband could have rightfully held me to task about it and I had no intention of replacing it because *I* felt I didn’t deserve it. Two days later a replacement was delivered because it was an ACCIDENT and he wanted to make me feel better about it, and he knew it was something I used regularly enough to feel the pain of losing it.
Good thing you found out before you had kids. His behavior is not good. It says everything about him and nothing about you. This can’t be the first time he has behaved so badly. Threatening your marriage is a means of controlling you. He expects you to beg forgiveness. Do Not Ask For Forgiveness!!! He is Waaay out of line. Consider giving him the divorce he is asking for.
No harm no foul! Who gives a shit?! There were zero consequences, and plenty of dog owners keep their dogs off-leash *all the time* because they know the dogs are cool. Maybe you didn’t *know* if the dog would be cool, there’s some risk, but hey sweet it was! No need to yell about it or trash talk you! What a bunch of shit, that was just an excuse to be an asshole
I don’t get if this man is your husband how come you don’t know he’s crazy. Surely some other minor stuff has happened while dating, or at the wedding? This kind of stuff I would expect to come out early in the relationship.
Once I misunderstood a friend and thought her babysitter would pick up my daughter from school, and I was at a conference, my partner had to leave work to pick her up. I felt really really bad about that, but it was a stupid mistake, caused by extreme fatigue from trying to fit five+ days’ work into four in order to go to the conference.
My kids have both made it to adulthood despite me effing up all sorts of things like that.
Mistakes happen. The absolutely fabulous thing is that you learn from them. You didn’t know that clasp didn’t always shut clean, maybe it was the first time it didn’t because of an inner spring losing its springiness or something. Now you know, and you’ll make sure in the future. If your BF has never effed up, tell him to come and see me, I’ll give him a medal that says “Most Perfect Jerk”.
He’s catastrophising over an accident, he should learn to deal with that before having future kids because he will fuck them up mentally.
Unless where you live there are precise rules about keeping dogs on a leash on the beach, a well behaved dog like yours seems to be can be left unleashed.
So this is the first instance of controlling behaviour I can spot.
Then your husband’s reaction is so extreme that either he’s a super controlling person or he’s a manipulator, using this excuse to cover something else, e.g. his wish to leave the marriage
I think he was just looking for an excuse to end your relationship and blame you for it.
Married at 22??? Insane.
Take the free gift and get out.