I (19/M) have had a crush on a girl in my class for a few months now. I approached her and now we’re friends. So I was hanging out with her after school, and we happen to tease each other a fair bit so I try to flirt I guess by saying that I tease people that I like, and she responded with “Oh so we’re friends”. For the record I haven’t really asked her out, but I think she might now that I like her. I replied with “Sorta, I guess”, I know pretty bad but I tried to pass it off as teasing after she told me that. I feel like its a deflection.
Another instance would be when we were also hanging out but with her friends, but this time we were chatting about how she was passive aggressive when I first met her, like she was fun but she had this blunt way of telling you to go away, like ending conversations abruptly or just flat out telling you to “go”. Anyways she says “Well I didn’t know you before, but now we’re friends so yeah we can hang out as much as you want”. You might be wondering why I still even talk to her, but we’re both in the same classes so we see each other a lot, and once you get to know her she’s actually pretty nice but that’s aside from the point.
TL:DR girl called me a “friend” multiple times. It is true that we are friends, and I haven’t asked her out so she doesn’t know me as anything other than a friend, but would you consider what she is doing to be “friendzoning”? Like making sure that we are JUST friends and that I don’t overstep my boundaries?
18 comments
You’re the one trying to put her in the girlfriend zone, so…
You haven’t actually revealed your feelings yet. And friendzone is really up to you. If you reveal your feelings and she rejects you, then you can decide to either stay and try to be just friends or move on.
Maybe she’s just not interested in you romantically, and that’s okay. Don’t put too much pressure on the situation.
I think the best way to figure out if she wants to go out with you is to just ask her out an dif she doesn’t then just don’t be weird. Sure sometimes people are throwing off hints and giving signals, but sometimes they’re not, and the best way to go is just to be polite and relatively direct.
I don’t believe in the friendzone but this “strategy” of yours where you’re being passive and doing nothing is a big reason why nothing is happening, here you are acknowledging you’re now friends, acknowledging you’ve made no moves and asking if she views you as a friend?
Bro!!
by “friendzone” do you just mean having basic human interactions?
The Friendzone isn’t a thing. What you’re describing is that you’ve made romantic overtures and she’s rejected them. It sounce like she thinks you’re cool, but she isn’t interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you. That means you don’t suck, but she doesn’t see you as a fit for what she’s interested in.
What happens next is up to you. You may accept that you’re friends, respect that from her, and treat her as a friend, or you can wish her well and disconnect from her.
The *other* option – to wait until she sees you as a relationship option – is very unlikely to happen, and will more likely lead to built-up resentment as you watch her get into and talk about her relationships. You may, at times, think about getting her gifts to “win her over”, and she may get you gifts, but what usually happens is they won’t reciprocate the *meaning* that you’ve assigned to the gifts, and you may start to feel like you get her all these things and get *nothing* back (romantically). Besides being a toxic mindset, it also means you’ll be overlooking people who share many of the things you want, including the most important thing: the ability to mutually decide that you’re right for each other.
TL;DR: She doesn’t sound like she’s into you. Consider putting some space between yourselves and giving yourself the chance to date around. You don’t need to go no-contact, but you probably need space. Once you’ve done that for a few weeks, you can decide if you want to continue reaching out to her *as a friend*.
Friendzone doesn’t exist. It’s a term that implies the person has done something to you. It’s a place you would have to pout yourself in. The friend zone implies there is something you can do by hanging around to change from friend to a partner. A person who hangs around like that isn’t actually being a friend. If your only intrest in her is to date the ask her out. Don’t assume she knows, signals aren’t universal. If you can’t be a genuine friend if your rejected then don’t hang around.
You befriended a girl and now you’re friends. Building a varied social circle is how you build a good life, so maybe just do that.
1. Yes, she knows you like her.
2. You’re not actually friends. You’re crushing on her, which makes your “friendship” transactional. All of your actions right now are predicated on the possibility that she’ll go out with you, which is not how you treat real friends.
3. If you don’t ask her out then nothing will happen, and you will stay “friends.” The friendzone is real, but it’s not her that’s doing it to you, **it’s you doing it to yourself by not taking action**. Seriously, ask her out.
4. If you get rejected, then it’s not a big deal because one of two things will happen:
1. It’ll be awkward, and you’ll probably put each other on ice for a little while. It’s okay though because you weren’t really friends. This will free you up to start pursuing women who might actually date you.
2. You’ll actually start being friends now, because you know she won’t date you, and you’ll both be cool with it. This will free you up to start pursuing women who might actually date you.
Credentials: I did the same shit when I was your age and I wasted years of my life being “friends” with my crushes when I should have just asked them out instead.
If you have feelings for someone, the best thing to do is nearly always to tell them.
Best case scenario is that she likes you. But even if she rejects you, that’s a better outcome than you spending a ton of time harboring secret affections for this girl.
It’s often the case that women know they have a guy in the friend zone and they keep them there intentionally. That might sound illogical, but women find it super validating to be surrounded by guys who they know are pining for them. Shoot your shot so that you either get the green light or you can move on to thinking of someone that you actually have a chance with. There’s no downside.
saying “i tease people i like” isnt flirting. you could say that to a dude and it would just be a confirmation of friendship, so why do you think its different since she is a woman?
if you want a relationship and neither of you are making actual romantic moves… how do you expect that to happen?
contrary to others, i do believe the friendzone exists and buddy you are deep in it. That being said, the friendzone isn’t something she’s doing to you, it’s something you’ve created yourself. If she just wants to be friends, and you want more but don’t express it clearly, that’s a you problem. Sounds like she’s always been a romantic interest for you, but to her, you are just a friend. Either ask her out or go your separate ways. doesn’t sound like she’s done anything wrong here except be friendly.
Do you want to ask her out on a date? Or do you want to be her friend? Friendzoning is what happens when a guy really wants to date a girl, but she doesn’t want to date him, but he can’t get over it so instead of just being friends he whines about being friendzoned. As though being friends with a woman is like The Worst possible outcome.
You wanna ask her on a date? Do it.
Text: “hey girl. I’d like to take you out. Would you like to join me for dinner on Friday night?” (Or dinks and dessert, or a walk on the beach, or whatever).
If she doesn’t want to date you she will say so at this point. If you’d rather just enjoy her friendship, do not ask her out.
There is no such thing as the “friendzone”.
There are people who are friends, and then there are people who are trying to fake being a friend in the hopes that you will one day sleep with them or date them. These people are predators and at 19 you would do well to learn an important life lesson.
Either be someone’s friend, or ask them out. If they say no, and you would like to try being friends, THEN ACCEPT THE REJECTION AND BE THEIR FRIEND. Don’t try to wiggle your way into their life as a “friend” and try to manipulate the situation to your advantage. We always know.
And yes this woman does not like you.
The friend zone is a myth perpetuated by a culture that has made platonic relationships between opposite sex’s taboo.
If you want to be more than friends, just let her know one on one. “Hey, I really appreciate having you in my life and consider you a great friend. That said, I find myself having romantic thoughts towards you but don’t want to overstep any boundaries or let those feelings come between what we have. Would you be interested in seeing each other romantically?”
Honestly communicate your feelings. Don’t play games and speculate or make assumptions about how she feels without asking her. Paraphrase as you like, but be direct. If she reacts poorly then oh well, bullet dodged. You’re young and will have plenty more opportunities down the road.
If you wouldn’t want to be friends after finding out she isn’t interested in you romantically…. That’s a different problem entirely and you need to reflect on that.
I’m going to give you advice as a woman who likes women….
tell her how you feel. not in a subtle or passive way. i don’t think she fully knows you like her. but if she IS constantly remind you that y’all are friends, I am wrong and she does now and that’s your hint that she isn’t interested.
from what i’m reading from you though…. she isn’t friendzoning you, she’s simply being your friend bc that’s what you’ve initiated. she’s not a mind reader.
the friendzone is sexist bullshit perpetuated by men who are too chickenshit to actually make their feelings and intentions known upfront and instead mistake the intimacy of friendship for romantic feelings. it’s shitty to treat someone as a friend when you harbor other intentions, regardless of that person’s gender.
you need to learn how to handle rejection, it’s a basic part of life. dating is about vulnerability, and you will inevitably get rejected and hurt at one point or another. that’s just part of the game—you can’t close yourself off and then “confess” your feelings and expect any kind of relationship to happen, because attraction needs to be mutual and discussing feelings should be conversations, not “confessions.”