My fiance (25 M) wants to open up our relationship but it’s not something I (21 F) want. Sometimes I think I should agree because we do get into fights about it. He thinks I’m being unfair by not letting him “explore” with other people, but that’s not the only issue with it. The other thing is he wants us to have threesomes/foursomes/group sex with others which makes me VERY uncomfortable but to him I’m being “close minded” and “restrictive” and that I’ll “like it if I try it out.” While sometimes I do fantasize about such things, they aren’t things I want to actually do for a multitude of reasons but he doesn’t want to hear me out because to him the ideas turn me on so they must be things I want.
What should I do about this? I don’t really want our relationship to end.
14 comments
Unfortunately, this will only get worse as time goes on. You guys are not a sexual match. It sucks, but there’s no changing it, and it’s not going to get better.
Unfortunately, he may have to choose between those fantasies and you. You should not have to do something you won’t want to, thats not fair either.
I’m glad this came up before the wedding.
This group gets a hard time for sometimes recommending people end a relationship. The advice is coming from experience by those of us who spent way too many years hoping things would work out. It never does.
People who constantly pressure your boundaries and don’t respect them rarely make good long term partners. Take the advice from caring friends: it sounds like time to move on.
Lots of people fantasize about things that they have no desire to do in real life. As individuals, we get to decide the things that we are willing to do or not do for any reason. We also deserve the respect of our partners. Unfortunately, it sounds like he wants what he wants and doesn’t really care what you want. Your fantasy is just an excuse for him to rationalize pressuring you. That would seem to make him a poor choice for a life partner, because that will likely be a pattern in your marriage, but that’s up to you to decide.
If he wants to explore other people, let him.
Thank you.. next.
The previous commenters are being nicer than I will be:
Your fiancé is a creep. This is not about his kinks or desires for non-monogamy or multiple partners – it is about the fact that you have said no, and he is trying to manipulate you into doing sexual acts that you aren’t comfortable with, over your multiple and vehement objections.
If you two are *fighting* about his desire to fuck other people and for you to participate in these activities, and he is telling you you are being unfair, well, that is fucking bananas. This guy doesn’t respect you or your boundaries.
Obviously there is the sexual incompatibility as well, but I am much more concerned by the fact that he is essentially trying to bully you into a sexual lifestyle that makes you uncomfortable, all in service of his own pleasure and interests. That is toxic as fuck.
He just wants to fuck around
Does he will be okay if you would get to fuck other guys?
If you set a boundry and he is not respecting it, then he clearly doesn’t respect you as a person and think he could fuck other people while fucking you too but the difference is, you are his “mommy”
He does not love you, let him explore but without him in your life. Find someone who cares about you enough.
Leave sorry but he clearly doesn’t care what u want
If he can’t respect ur desicion in staying monogomus then dose he respect you and ur sexual boundaries? Pressuring you into doing this is as bad as pressuring to do any other sexual thing sounds like to me ur not sexualy compatible or there’s something more serious going on
From personal experience with my first wife, she initiated our first threesome BEFORE we got married. She had been introduced to the lifestyle by a friend, and it flipped a switch in her psyche that allowed her to experience sex with multiple partners in one setting, regularly. She was hooked.
When she first brought her girlfriend into our relationship she asked me to think about it. As a man, it’s somewhat easier to adapt to the idea of an open relationship or marriage.
The thing is, you REALLY have to accept the premise and all of the consequences that can and do come with it, or it will not work more than once. And that once may not work either.
I am not going to tell you to “try it, you might like it”, that ball is in your court. But, if you do decide to give it a chance, you have to be at ease with it, relax and don’t over anticipate it. It has to be as natural as any experience you’ve ever had. Being tense and negative going in the first time will not work.
From personal experience with my first wife, she initiated our first threesome BEFORE we got married. She had been introduced to the lifestyle by a friend, and it flipped a switch in her psyche that allowed her to experience sex with multiple partners in one setting, regularly. She was hooked.
When she first brought her girlfriend into our relationship she asked me to think about it. As a man, it’s somewhat easier to adapt to the idea of an open relationship or marriage.
The thing is, you REALLY have to accept the premise and all of the consequences that can and do come with it, or it will not work more than once. And that once may not work either.
I am not going to tell you to “try it, you might like it”, that ball is in your court. But, if you do decide to give it a chance, you have to be at ease with it, relax and don’t over anticipate it. It has to be as natural as any experience you’ve ever had. Being tense and negative going in the first time will not work.
He shouldn’t be in a relationship if he wants this
I broke up with someone for this exact reason.
Don’t marry him.