UPD:
Ok guys, I think you might be right and talk a lot of sense. I was probably just flying somewhere. Just haven’t had such situation in my life before.
Thanks to all of you.
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Kinda weird stuation.
I met a girl, started chatting with her, saw her few times in a gym we chatted there. Then I asked her out, she replied that she isn’t really free, but implied that she is open for communication. We were chatting, flirting, I sent her flowers to her work. She was nice about it, very thankful.
Then a bit later we met at the gym again, worked out together and in the end I asked her out to eat after gym. She was contemplating, but agreed. So we had a dinner, talked about everything. She explained that she is seeing someone for about a year, not super happy there, not living together, it doesn’t go to any next step. Even admitted that yeah if she was in a happy relationship, she wouldn’t be with me here having dinner right now. I was telling her about my feelings towards her and that I have serious intentions. In this period of knowing her (about 3 weeks) I basically fell in love with her, which practically never happened to me that fast before. So after dinner I drove her home and in the end I kissed her and she was not resisting at all, she was coming towards me, it was a nice loong french kiss.
So today I texted her and told that I would like to see her again and she replied “Sorry, I think we should not, I still have feelings for my partner”… Well boys, I’m in shock. Why would she go all this way from even talking to me, flirting, having dinner and kissing and then just saying bye. Is it just to feel “loved” and chased by someone else? Kinda feed her female ego and go back to her life?
I’m devastated and heartbroken. I know it’s sounds silly, cause we didn’t even have a relationship, but this is how I feel. She is truly someone that I have never met before, a wife material from what I learned to know about her. And this is the most painful part of this all. Had it been some random girl with no character, personality etc. I would not even flinch and would forget her in like an hour.
TL;dr Is something wrong with me for feeling broken and devastated for something that didn’t even happen?
9 comments
> Well boys, I’m in shock.
… you are? You basically pursued an unavailable woman and tried to get her to cheat with you. Which she did, gladly, because she’s not a loyal person. And you’re surprised that someone who had no qualms treating their partner of a year this way discarded you, a suitor of about a week? You got what you asked for here and you need to learn your lesson and do better moving forward. Is this the kind of guy you want to be at your age? Are you desperate enough to be spending your money to wine, dine and romance a woman with a boyfriend? Are you that out of options?
Edited to add: I also especially love that you call *this* “wife material”.
She doesn’t sound like “wife material” based on her behavior, but as to her motivations…it doesn’t have to be some evil plot to feed her “female ego.” It could just be that she is exactly what she said: in an unhappy relationship where she still has feelings for the person, but is conflicted enough to go on a date with someone when she felt some attraction. It’s crappy what she did but it sounds like she’s just an indecisive person with perhaps some questionable morality who made a bad decision (in the context of her relationship).
The best way to move forward would to focus on the fact that she doesn’t sound like that great of a partner, and you can’t possibly know a person after three weeks, as this episode showed. Chalk it up to a lesson in trying to not let your imagination run away before you have gotten to know someone AND know they are truly available. And if you know someone is not available, don’t ask them on a date and don’t kiss them, even if they are willing, because it’s opening up precisely this kind of can of worms.
>She is truly someone that I have never met before, a wife material from what I learned to know about her. And this is the most painful part of this all. Had it been some random girl with no character, personality etc. I would not even flinch and would forget her in like an hour.
You had a handful of interactions at a gym over the course of 3 weeks and a dinner. You aren’t in love with her; you’re infatuated with her.
Also, she cheated on her BF with you, so maybe take off those rose-colored glasses.
Wow dude. The first flag was she told she wasn’t available when you asked her out the first time. She declined. Do you really think someone who cheats is wife material. Luckily she had a conscience and stopped it from going any further. Do yourself a favor and find someone else.
You actively pursued a girl in a relationship, who told you she wasn’t available, and then are upset she wouldn’t continue to cheat on her partner with you?
The girl cheated. Not sure what you’re looking for in a “wife” but that’s not usually it. Also, when she didn’t reciprocate your feelings, you blamed it on her “female ego” (🤮).
Here’s the good news: you aren’t in love with her. You’ve known her 3 weeks and went to dinner once. Yes, she used you. She thought it would fix the fact that she’s unhappy with her partner. It didn’t. You projected what you imagine a perfect girl to be onto her and then felt bad when she didn’t live up to what’s in your mind.
You’ll get over this. Grow up and find a girl who is available 🤷🏼♀️
You *did* “get her to cheat.” It doesn’t matter how unhappy she said she was. She wasn’t single, you knew it, and you pursued her anyway. The right way to do this is to wait until she is free rather than try to get her there.
Ok guys, I think you might be right and talk a lot of sense. I was probably just flying somewhere. Just haven’t had such situation in my life before.
Thanks to all of you.
A lot of harsh advice, but most of it is correct. I think you’re just pretty naive. Of course she was going to downplay her current relationship to justify why she was going on a date with you.
She’s a cheater who doesn’t care about you or her boyfriend’s feelings. She’s definitely not as perfect as you think. You dodged a bullet here
C’mon now.
> she is seeing someone for about a year
> I kissed her and she was not resisting at all, she was coming towards me, it was a nice loong french kiss.
> wife material from what I learned to know about her.
Cheaters are wife material for you? If that’s the case, you really need to work on your self-respect and self-esteem.
TLDR: You overinvested on your idea of her and you got burned when your idea didn’t match her reality.