one day my (24f) boyfriend (22m) were on the topic and he said in the conversation of “types” that his type are pale girls with dark hair. ever since then i look at every girl that he follows on social media, girls we see in public and down to those close to me that fit that type with envy, anger and jealousy.
his old instagram account and tiktok following are FULL with women like that. it’s one to admire, because i follow girls for reasons in which i love to admire beauty of women because well, women<3! but his has reached a level of obsessiveness i fear. not just some but an alarming amount.
not just that but i’m not even going to get into how he must have a body type too from which i’ve noticed. (lmao this is literally the “i looked at his following and frew up”
we’ve been boyfriend-girlfriend for almost a year in a few months and my overthinking gotten so bad that i applied it to my sister and my best friend, who fit that. i can’t seem to get it out my head and i’m sure anyone wouldn’t either in my situation. of course, i have expressed many time of insecurities about this and many conversations and reassurances have taken place ever since that initial conversation. but i can’t help but keep looping that thought in my head.
a few weeks ago, (i didn’t feel the need to lurk before) but being in shambles, i went through his phone. the dreadful action— i caught him with a sent text to his best friend mentioning that he has had a threesome dream of my best friend and him. even down to telling his friend that she is his physical type. but that, he felt guilty in which i’m like, “well uhh i’d hope so” i brought it up and again, same conversation of reassuring/getting annoyed at the fact that it’s built me up to be so insecure.
because just to think i’ve brought him around my best friend, and not knowing that that’s how he thinks of her disgusts me/makes me jealous. i love and adore my best friend’s kind soul and would never want to hold any type of resentment just because of my boyfriends obsessive behavior. but it’s literally shifting the way i view everything.
it makes me not feel beautiful.
it makes me not feel as beautiful as he has told me before and now.
my confidence is diminishing, and it’s so disappointing to me it’s for this reason knowing how much i built up my broken down confidence from similar reasons from my past relationship of 7 years. before i met my current boyfriend, being single— i worked up so much love for myself. and to know that the two relationships i’ve come to experience just wounded up in the same results is sending me in a confidence so low it’s getting harder and harder to revive it.
i know i am beautiful, my soul much more, maybe just not appreciated is all.
any thoughts, feedback, ? i’m just in such a frazzled state…
1 comment
So in your current AND previous relationship you felt this way. Why are you dating people that you think don’t like you