I (19F) have been great friends with him for about 6 years and we know a lot about eachother. Basically him and her have been friends for quite a long time and have had a sexual history that I didn’t know about until recently which is strange because he tells me everything.
He recently moved out of state and stayed at her house before getting an apartment and slept in the same room as her (on the couch however). He gets really defensive when I disagree with her opinions. She posted a picture of herself wearing a shirt I gave him. We were doing molly a few months ago and I asked him jokingly, “who’s your second favorite pair of boobs” and he immediately said her name like it was an instinct. This led to the conversation of me learning about their sexual history. Also, every so often she posts on her private story something like “fuck you b-word” with a middle finger and I’m certain it’s directed at me.
Anyways, he’s moving in with me soon and I guess he told her today because she blocked me on social media. I don’t wanna sound like a crazy jealous girlfriend and bring it up because I really trust him. I love him more than anything and I know he loves me the same. But I also don’t want to be in a relationship anymore if I’m gonna be questioning the whole time if he is more attracted to another girl. But we’re moving in soon so I can’t break up with him. Help. What should I do?
TLDR Summary: The girl best friend and my boyfriend have been friends for a while and have a sexual history together and I don’t know how or if I should bring it up.
5 comments
Have you actually talked to him about all this?
Not accusatory, just making him aware of how you are feeling about the situation?
Trust your instincts here, girl! What your body is trying to tell you is that he’s maybe not as trustworthy as you keep saying he is. You keep trying to reassure us or yourself that you trust him and you shouldn’t have to. She’s being shady, he’s being a little shady, and it’s making you feel anxiety you do not need.
Do not let the sunk cost fallacy (you have to continue something because you’ve sunk so much time/energy/money into something) keep you in the wrong relationship! I did and it took years of therapy to work through. Trust me when I say that the way you wrote toward the end about not being able to break up with him because you’re about to move in together doesn’t bode well.
what is wrong with her? she is the real b-word here. if i were you i would have beaten the shit of this girl already. not bc she is tryna steal your bf, just bc she is disrespectful to you
and stop blaming yourself, you are not a crazy jealous girl. you are just tryna have a peaceful relationship.
kick her out of your lifes and make sure you will never EVER see her again.
about your bf, you can try to forgive him. that’s gonna take time but you can figure it out if you truly love each other. tell him that your relationship is gonna work it out if he will never ever do a sh** like this. make him understand you are not gonna forgive him if he betrays you or disrespects you again. and keep this little sad promise to him.
if i were you, i would just leave them all and find myself more reasonable people to hang out or date. but i can see you sad so you can give it a try
They had a sexual history. And with him having moved out of state before getting his own place, I found it improper to move in with her and some of the implications got me wondering. Now you are saying she has blocked you on social media and he is supposed to be moving in with you soon? I hope this works out. Something feels off here in between but if he does move in with you, It is you only he chose to be with in the end. Talk it out about anything that is bugging you before he moves in lock, stock and booby barrel.
It’s not bad to set boundaries.
If he can’t respect your boundaries, he shouldn’t live him.
IMO you should ask him why he blocked her and why is she acting funny wearing his clothes.