How can you differentiate a “reasonable” boundary in a relationship from one that stems from your insecurity?

4 comments

1. The mark that cannot be ignored in your intuition. Always use common sense. This boundary seems totally acceptable and normal. This boundaries is ringing bells of my childhood. Welp, I’m not a child so I had better soldier up and do the right thing. Journaling can also help a lot to distinguish between the two

2. If my friend told me her partner had it in place for her, would I ask her to blink three times fast if she needs help?

3. I dont. Boundaries that stem from my insecurities are reasonable boundaries.

   The biggest misunderstanding in relationship boundaries is what constitutes a boundary. Boundaries are all about *you* – your needs, and your actions. If you are trying to get your partner to behave/not behave a certain way, that’s not a boundary, it’s controlling.

   For example, I once had a long-distance boyfriend try to tell me that it was his boundary that I call once a day (not a boundary).

4. A boundary is something that applies to only your own behavior. e.g. I will not stay in a relationship with someone who smokes. (As opposed to: You are not allowed to smoke)